LEWISTON – Commercial bombardment and an overall heightened commercialization in our culture can do a number on children this time of year.

It can give them a bad case of the “gimmies.”

“Commercials are not advertising the joy of having fun in your sandbox. They’re advertising purchasing something,” said Dr. Lydia Ward-Gray, a psychologist at St. Mary’s Regional Hospital.

In the past decade, commercialization has become worse, especially with electronic games and the feeling that children need to be entertained all the time, she said. “It makes kids forget they can entertain themselves and be happy with simple things.”

Parents need to push back.

They have to show children that lots of presents won’t lead to happiness.

What will?

Simple activities of two kinds: being in the moment and doing for others, Ward-Gray said.

Being in the moment means appreciating everything around you. Noticing a beautiful day, a lovely snow vista, how awesome a lake looks, or taking the dog for a run.

Those kinds of activities “help children realize how cool life is without objects or plastic things to play with,” Ward-Gray said.

Teaching children how to give and not just receive boosts their self-esteem, teaches them how they can make a difference and that it feels good when they do for others.

When parents help their children help others who are struggling, such as volunteering at soup kitchens, it can help children realize how lucky they are with what they have, Ward-Gray said. “That can reduce that sense of greed.”

A good strategy for figuring out what kind of community service a family wants to do is to sit down and decide which group of underserved people – or animals – everyone would like to help.

When children are part of the decision, they’ll feel more important and will be more motivated, she said.

Once a community service project is decided upon – and parents have called that organization to find out how and what is needed – they can help children “slow down and notice the joy they can bring to another person,” Ward-Gray said. “Help them notice the person’s facial expressions. Point out, ‘Look, they have a big smile on their face.’ Sometimes children might not pick up on that.”

Helping others is also good for teenagers, Ward-Gray said, especially if they’re feeling overwhelmed by their daily activities. “A simple act like making a meal for a homeless person could change their whole perspective on what’s important and could boost their self-esteem.”

But, doing simple things with children is easier said than done. In many families, both parents work. There are kids’ practices, games, rehearsals and so on.

Ward-Gray’s advice: Schedule the simple things.

“Otherwise everybody’s time gets whittled away,” she said.

Scheduling quiet time “helps children have a better perspective on what’s really important this time of year: being together and being kind to one another.”

The lack of time parents spend with their children can lead to some buying too many gifts at Christmas, “when really children just want to be with their parents, feel loved, and have fun and feel important in their family system,” Ward-Gray said. When those needs are met, the material stuff isn’t as important.

Adults have to teach by example that material things won’t bring happiness, Ward-Gray said.

“If you say, ‘You don’t need that toy to be happy,’ but you yourself are feeling upset because you want to buy the object and can’t, they’re not going to learn the message.”

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