DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old daughter is in her sophomore year of college and doing well. The problem is, I believe that she is a “binge” drinker and going downhill. I am trying to make her go to counseling and AA, but I’m not sure she will. She is currently attending a local junior college, but will finish in May.

She wants me to send her to a university about two hours away from home. I just do not think I should, because even though she’s under my supervision right now, she still gets into trouble with drinking. I can’t imagine what she would do without any adult supervision.

She says she needs to get away from the “bad influence” of her friends here. I believe that if she goes, she will find new “bad influence” friends and still not have the common sense to not drink so much.

I am not being an overprotective mother. I just spent the night in the emergency room with her because she had alcohol poisoning. – WORRIED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED: It appears you are worried about your daughter for good reason. However, it’s time to face up to the fact that a parent can protect her child for only so long. If a near-death experience from alcohol poisoning hasn’t taught her that she should not have more than two drinks in an evening, there is little more you can do.

I do have a suggestion, however. Make a deal with her. If she gets a job and goes to AA for one year, you will then allow her to go away to finish her education. By then, she will understand what a serious problem drinking can be – and have some tools to avoid it. I can’t guarantee that it will keep her sober, but it would be a start.

DEAR ABBY: I am currently married to a man I was married to for 10 years. We were divorced for about seven months and decided we wanted to remarry. We have been remarried for a year, and there are a lot of trust issues – not on my part, but on his. He says I cheated on our last marriage, which I did not, but changing his mind was impossible and that’s the reason he’s insecure. However, our latest issue is just too crazy.

I recently started writing to a step-cousin who is incarcerated. The cousin made the comment in one of his letters that he didn’t know if it was because we were writing each other so often or what, but he found himself dreaming of smelling my perfume and rubbing against my skin. My husband is now asking for a divorce. Am I being irrational in saying this man is incarcerated, and it would be foolish to want someone who will not be “free” for the next 12 to 15 years? – INNOCENT IN BELLEVUE, NEB.

DEAR INNOCENT: You appear to be both kindhearted and naive. When your step-cousin said what he did in his letter, he was telling you that he was having fantasies of a sexual nature that involve you. He was also trying to initiate a similar kind of response from you. Regardless of the fact that your “pen” pal is behind bars, your husband finds this upsetting – and frankly, I can see his point. My advice is to work on salvaging your marriage and forgo the correspondence.



DEAR ABBY: Is it improper to wash kitchen cloths with the rest of your personal items and towels? – INQUISITIVE MOTHER IN GEORGIA

DEAR INQUISITIVE MOTHER: As far as I’m concerned, a wash is a wash is a wash. That is, unless the items are white or “linty,” in which case they should be washed separately.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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