DEAR ABBY: “John” and I have been together for seven years and were finally married last February. We have a 4- year-old daughter together.

I recently learned that John has had multiple affairs during our relationship, and fathered a child who was born last summer. I was devastated by the news of the affairs, not to mention that one resulted in a child. We are still together, but I plan to meet with an attorney soon. I know I can sue John for divorce and child support.

The child’s mother is making my life crazy. She has not yet filed for child support, and she calls my home weekly demanding money from me because John is out of a job. She calls me at work and has threatened to show up at my home and my job with the baby in her arms.

What can I do about this? She knew about me when her affair with John started. She refuses to take into consideration the fact that my child is at an age where she can figure out something is not right.

John says he’s willing to support her baby, but he wants nothing to do with either of them. I cannot trust him. She’s acting crazy, and I’M the one who’s been betrayed. I am holding up the best I can, but please advise me. I am truly tired of the mess that the two of them have created. – TIRED OF THE DRAMA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TIRED: I hope you understand that you are under no obligation to give John’s ladyfriend a penny. What she is doing is harassment, and could be considered an attempt at extortion. So please, be a good citizen and report her to the police. She must not be allowed to jeopardize your job, because with John’s track record, I have a strong hunch you’re going to need it to support yourself and your child. Please don’t wait to make that call.



DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, “Sally,” is a pack rat. She cannot bear to throw anything away. The items she is willing to part with, she donates to the local thrift store where I volunteer. Because Sally cannot stand to feel as if she is being wasteful by throwing her tattered and broken belongings away, she unloads them on the thrift shop in the hope that someone else will be able to find a use for them.

Recently, several friends who also volunteer at the store made it known to me that they did not appreciate Sally’s donations because it takes them several hours to sort through the items, only a few of which are suitable for resale after cleaning and repairs. Frankly, I agree.

Because Sally usually drops her items off in the community drop-off box, we are obligated to sort through all the items. Most of hers wind up in the garbage, wasting the time the volunteers could be spending on other tasks that would be more beneficial to the shop.

Abby, what is the polite way to inform my mother-in-law that her donations are no longer wanted? – ANONYMOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The first thing to do would be to send a generic letter to Sally – and the rest of your list of donors – stating that the thrift shop can accept only “gently worn” items and appliances that are still in working condition. Many thrift shops do this as a matter of course.

The next thing would be to speak directly to Sally and explain the problem. However, if donations are dropped off in a community drop-off box, you and the other volunteers should be absolutely certain that the items in question have really come from your mother-in-law, and not some other donors. And frankly, I would think that would be difficult to ascertain and would almost certainly create ill will if you were mistaken.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.