DEAR MR. DAD: My son is 14 months old and I feel like I barely know him. I work nights and my wife works days so I only get to see him for a few hours each evening and on my days off. I want to spend more time with him and bond, but I have no idea what to try.

A: Let’s start with what NOT to do: Do not hand your son off to your wife. She may be able to get him to stop crying a little quicker than you do, but the truth is that whatever your wife knows about children, she learned by doing. And the way you’re going to get better is by doing things, too. The more time you spend with your child, the more competent you’ll feel.

And don’t give in if your wife offers to take over, either. Instead, try saying, “I think I can handle things,” or “That’s OK – I really need the practice.” There’s nothing wrong with asking her for advice, of course. But have her tell you instead of doing it for you. Don’t be afraid to make a few decisions – and a few mistakes – on your own.

Another way to start building confidence is to get to know your baby. Learn his language. If you pay close attention you’ll soon be able to tell the difference between his “I’m tired,” “Feed me now,” “Change my diaper” and “I want to play” cries. Once you’ve got that down, you’ll be better able to take care of his needs.

New fathers are often quite concerned about what to do with their infants. But even if your baby is just a few days old, you can do plenty. Carrying him around and listening to music together are great at that age, and just talking to him is wonderful, but my favorite has always been reading. It doesn’t really matter whether you read War and Peace or the ingredient panel from your toothpaste tube – he won’t understand you yet anyway. The point is to get him used to hearing your voice, which will make him feel comfortable and secure with you.

Finally, don’t ever devalue the things you like doing with your child. Men and women have different ways of interacting with their children – men tend to stress the physical and high-energy, women the social and emotional. But don’t let anyone tell you that wrestling, bouncing on the bed, and all the other “guy things” you’re going to do when your son is a little older are somehow less important than the “girl things” your partner may do .

Armin Brott is the author of many best-selling books on fatherhood. His new DVD, “Toolbox for New Dads,” has just been released.

Find resources for fathers at www.mrdad.com or by emailing [email protected]. Try DaddyCast, his new, twice-weekly podcast (http://www.mrdad.com/daddycast).