In the world of relationships and dating, no one gets out with out their share of heartaches and even heartbreaks.

Relationships and dating can lead to heartbreak, and we have all had our share of heartbreaks.

That’s why I was intrigued by relationship coach Jess Kennedy Williams notion about heartbreak-free dating.

Intrigued, but skeptical.

Recently I interviewed Kennedy Williams, author of the No. 1 dating book on BarnesandNoble.com, “Heartbreak-free Dating.”

The basis of her approach can be found in this quote from her book

“When it comes to dating, listen to your gut instinct, not your heart. Your gut tries to protect you from getting hurt, your heart has no clue what it is doing.”

The secret, according to Kennedy Williams, is to focus on what you want. You do this by knowing your requirements, needs and wants.

Requirements – These are the things you must have in a relationship – these are the deal breakers. If these requirements are not met, the relationship will not work.

Needs – Needs are close to requirements in importance, but they are negotiable. If a need is not met, it will cause an issue in the relationship, but will not necessarily cause the end of the relationship.

Wants – This is the gravy, the icing on the cake, to mix the food metaphors here.

Because the “right one” does not come along every day, you need to be prepared to notice when the right one does come along. Your list of requirements, needs and wants are your relationship map. Your relationship map can guide you through sometimes-unknown territory in your search for the right one.

When you go out into the dating world with clarity about your requirements, needs and wants, and pay attention, you can accomplish two important things:

• Protect yourself from getting into a relationships that cannot work long term, because you will be eliminating at the outset those that do not line up with your requirements, needs and wants, and

• Dramatically increase the chances of finding the person who does line up with your relationship map, and enjoy a sustainable long-term relationship.

Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at [email protected]

or, for more tips and tools for living you can visit www.JeffHerringOnline.com.