Noon, FSNE
This was a “heavyweight title fight.” In the same way that Paris Hilton is an “entertainer.”
PGA: Byron Nelson Championship, first round
3 p.m., The Golf Channel
There was no greater honor in golf than having a tournament named after you until the LPGA christened one after Jamie Farr.
Rodeo: World’s Toughest Cowboy
3 p.m., FSNE
Isn’t this like trying to find the smelliest guy in a hockey dressing room? I wouldn’t mess with any of ’em.
MLB: Red Sox at Orioles
7 p.m., NESN
Josh Beckett? 5-0? No freaking way.
NHL: Sharks at Red Wings, Game 1
7:30 p.m., Versus
Look, a Stanley Cup conference semifinal series starting before May 1! Don’t believe it until you see it.
MLS: New York at Dallas
8 p.m., ESPN2
It’s Soccer Night in America. So I’m told.
NBA: Pistons at Magic, Game 3
8 p.m., TNT
Hello, neighbor. Can you say, “foregone conclusion?” I knew you could.
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