3 p.m., ESPN Classic

Sounds inspirational, doesn’t it? All we are sayyyyying is give pool a chance.

UEFA: AC Milan at Manchester United

5 p.m., Fox Sports Channel

Bigger over there than David Hasselhoff.

MLB: Red Sox at Yankees

7 p.m., NESN

Not quite as big over here as Jenna Jameson, but close.

NBA: Raptors at Nets, Game 3

7 p.m., TNT

Nets coach Lawrence Frank is a total geek who couldn’t play basketball a lick, and he’s coaching in the NBA playoffs. The guy stole my career. I hate him.

NHL: Rangers at Sabres, Game 2

7 p.m., Versus

How can the best team in any major league sport play in Buffalo?

MLB: Braves at Rockies

9 p.m., TBS

Did you know some guy named Matt Holliday hit 34 HR for Colorado last year? Me either.

NBA: Mavericks at Warriors

10:30 p.m., ESPN

Watch another ref say no to Viagra and self-medicate by giving somebody a technical foul picking their nose.

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