America has proven it doesn’t understand the fundamentals of anger and violence in society

The media inspired debate and controversy over school violence was fueled again this month by the shooting deaths at Virginia Tech.

The public debate will include how to prevent violence, how to identify violent personalities and those who are isolated or socially maladjusted, and the impact of mental disorders on the incidence of violence in our society.

Mainstream America seems to have difficulty understanding and accepting some fundamental facts about anger and violence. Let us look at some of these facts:

• Anger is as natural and innate as feelings of joy, happiness, guilt, envy or jealousy.

• Although our emotions do typically become expressed and acted upon, as they should, at times there is tremendous potential for us to lose control of our anger and to act violently toward others.

• The nature of human character and personality is sufficiently complex as to defy definition or to comprehend the impact of genetics, environment or the learning process.

We do understand the potential for evil exists within us side by side with the capacity for doing good. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, testifying at the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission in the late-1990s, spoke of the “depths of depravity” of human nature but also stated, “People are glorious with tremendous capacities for good”

• In our society there is an “adolescent culture” that is quite distinct from our typical “adult culture.”

• Parents cannot always know what their teenage children are thinking or doing, or even what their attitudes or priorities are. Parents should be involved in their children’s lives, appropriately and to the extent possible, but they cannot be with them “all the time.”

• It is a fact that we will, at times have to cope with violence – in ourselves, family members, friends, neighbors or strangers. So what can or should we do, as parents and citizens to cope more effectively with violence in our society?

First, we must understand that the most common form of violence in America is “domestic,” or that which occurs in families or in the context of interpersonal relationships. Violence in schools and the workplace are next in frequency. So, what can we do?

Consider these recommendations:

In our homes, families –

• As parents we must consistently set an example for our children to emulate.

• As parents we must express our love and affection for our children daily.

• We must create mutual trust and open communication within our families. Secrets are negative and will erode such trust. (this is not easy and problems will occur.)

• We must consistently teach tolerance and respect for the beliefs and values of others.

In our schools –

• School and civil authorities must create an adequate security system that will avoid extreme measures that would transform our schools into impersonal high security institutions.

• As parents we must directly and proactively be involved in our children’s education, in the classroom, the PTO, other functions, etc.

• We should develop a system of volunteers in public education sufficient to provide a “one-to-one” caring individual for any child that needs one.

• Principals and/or other school officials should institute a practice of scheduling informal “talk sessions” with students over coffee and donuts or chips and salsa for the purpose of maintaining dialogue and communication.

• Students should be afforded a “student seat” on school boards, advisory committees, etc., to provide input into the formulation of policies and procedures that affect their lives.

In the community –

• We must demand that our government develop an adequate system for monitoring and regulating the media, TV, Internet, etc., to control violence and graphic sexuality.

• We should support, be trained and participate in activities such as crisis response teams and conflict resolution teams, both to prevent crisis and to resolve them once they occur.

• As communities we must adequately fund and train law enforcement at all levels.

• I hardly know how to articulate this final point sufficiently.

We must eliminate weapons designed for killing, except for the military and law enforcement. The availability of firearms is the primary cause of the high rate of murders in America. This does not occur in the other Western-style democracies.

The arguments that the Constitution grants us all, as individuals the right to own firearms, and that we need guns designed to kill to defend ourselves, do not hold water. This issue ranks among the top four problems facing our government over the next generation.

If the federal government does not resolve this issue then we should all contact our legislators for legislation to limit the availability of these firearms designed to kill people within the state of Maine.

Ronald K. Melendy is a retired licensed clinical social worker. He lives in Mechanic Falls.