Noon, ESPN Classic

The real entertainment value is to Google the competitors and find out if any of them are still alive.

English League Soccer: Fulham at Arsenal

Noon, FSNE

I take back my former condemnation of plural nicknames that don’t end in ‘s.’ This one definitely kicks some Arse … nal.

Kentucky Derby Post Position Draw

5 p.m., ESPN2

Ranks somewhere between the NFL Draft and Maine’s moose permit lottery on the excitement scale.

MLB: Athletics at Red Sox

7 p.m., NESN

Not sure Josh Beckett has won six consecutive starts since Little League, but we’ll take it while it lasts.

NHL: Devils at Senators, Game 4

7 p.m., Versus

There’s still plenty of time for New Jersey’s do-it-yourself boss Lou Lamoriello to fire himself and save the series.

MLB: Phillies at Braves

7:30 p.m., ESPN

Things must be going well this week. Phillies manager Charlie Manuel hasn’t threatened any talk show hosts, and Braves skipper Bobby Cox hasn’t inspired his wife to call the cops.

NBA: Lakers at Suns, Game 5

10:30 p.m., TNT

Maybe I’m stuck in the 1980s, but to this day, watching the Lakers get eliminated from the playoffs is almost as much fun as watching the Yankees implode.

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