YOUR NAME HERE

This week’s NASCAR Nextel Cup race will be the Jim Stewart 400. Its namesake won a contest conducted by sponsor Crown Royal. Funny, until I learned that, I thought Jim Stewart was an obscure brand of hard liquor.

YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE

Outfielder Ryan Langerhans was traded twice in four days this week. He shouldn’t feel too badly. At least four Hollywood divorces were finalized during that span.

JUST A FLESH WOUND

Buffalo Sabres center Paul Gaustad has been cleared to play in tonight’s Game 5 against the New York Rangers after sitting out three months with a severed tendon in his lower leg. Suddenly this paper cut doesn’t hurt much.

GET IT ON, ALREADY

Oscar De La Hoya says he is “out of words” to promote Saturday’s fight with Floyd Mayweather. Amen. Hey, boxing fans: After this six-month exercise in excess, not one of us has a right to complain about the two-week break before the Super Bowl. Ever.

PASS THE GERITOL

Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez is on the disabled list with bursitis in his throwing shoulder. Darn, and the Yankees were just about to trade two-thirds of the Trenton Thunder in an attempt to get him back.

IF IT AIN’T BROKE

The NCAA men’s basketball rules committee has approved a change that will move back its 3-point line one foot to 20 feet, 9 inches. Really, the only change I rooted for was mandatory retirement for Billy Packer and Bob Knight.

RUNNIN’ ON EMPTY

World’s fastest man Asafa Powell of Jamaica might be forced off the track for several weeks with knee tendinitis. Powell probably knew something was up when he stopped hitting his 100-meter record time of 9.77 and only clocked a 9.90. Slacker.

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