MLS: New England at Houston

1 p.m., Fox Soccer Channel

They say the Revs are having a great season. “They” also say a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s, but forgive me if I don’t volunteer to give one a sloppy, French kiss.

Beyond The Glory: Sex and Sports

1 p.m., FSNE

Watched this already. You’re shocked, I know. The part where Lisa Guerrero tries to defend her merits as a real sideline reporter is side-splitting, inadvertent comedy.

Classic Football: Notre Dame vs. BC, 1983 Liberty Bowl

2 p.m., ESPN Classic

Notable: Doug Flutie doesn’t look much older today. More notable: The Fighting Irish actually won a bowl.

MLB: Red Sox at Yankees

7 p.m., NESN

Jerry Remy’s color commentary Monday night was so bitter and parochial that Tommy Heinsohn thought he should back off a little.

MLB: Mets at Braves

7:35 p.m., TBS

Bobby Cox is only four ejections away from breaking the all-time record. But I say if he used any combination of Viagra, Geritol or Digitalis, there oughtta be an asterisk.

Boxing: Holly Holm vs. Chevelle Hallback

9 p.m., ESPN2

Remember when Mike Tyson, Micky Ward and Iran Barkley used to show up on Top Rank Boxing? Now we get women’s welterweights whose names sound like the repossession of an antique car.

World Combat League

9 p.m., Versus

No Stanley Cup playoffs, so it was either this or show Richard Hatch’s naked ass again on the 800th replay of “Survivor: Borneo.”

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