DEAR ABBY: I find myself in a head vs. heart situation. I have ended an emotionally draining relationship of more than 10 years. As I tried to find the courage to “move on,” I found myself turning to a married woman who understood everything I had experienced and made me believe that she was also looking for the courage to change her situation. Our relationship grew into something more than it should have, considering her marital status — and a considerable amount of time has passed.

I still believe she is my closest friend, but I don’t know if I should continue to support her in the hope that she will make a change. Or is it time to face the realization that I have made a big mistake and try to cut my ties with this woman? I am at the point of near obsession with wondering if this vision in my heart will ever come true.

My heart says hold out; my head says back away. I’m looking for objective wisdom. – BAFFLED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR BAFFLED: Please listen to your head. Listening to your heart has brought you to the point of near obsession. Obsession is not love; it is a sickness.

Time is the most precious gift we have, and you have already wasted enough of it. Face it: She wasn’t your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; she was your “comfort” station on the way to your destination. It’s time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for six years. It’s the second marriage for both of us.

The issue arises when I open an e-mail from my family. My husband stands over my shoulder and reads it while I am reading it. I think it is rude, and he should not read it unless I invite him to. The e-mails are never about him and rarely contain anything I wouldn’t share with him, but I think he should wait to be invited.

Since both our families live in the same town, sometimes a subject will be mentioned that is personal, and I can’t count on him to be discreet. I would like the chance to at least see what the e-mail is about before he reads it and then casually gossips about it to his family (which has happened). I don’t want to get separate e-mail addresses, though, because he would think I am hiding something. (This happened in his first marriage.) What’s the answer? – INVADED IN ORTONVILLE, MICH.

DEAR INVADED: The answer is a frank and possibly unpleasant conversation with your husband. His first wife’s behavior seems to have left him with serious trust issues, and that’s why he insists on reading your e-mails over your shoulder.

If you want privacy, you are going to have to demand it. And if he wants to know why, you are going to have to tell him that he can’t be trusted not to gossip. You should not have to pay the penalty for the indiscretions of his former spouse.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 39 years no longer hugs me or shows me any affection. I have seen him through cancer and diabetes. We have four grown children, and we have been seeing a therapist for a year and a half. He is kind, generous and friendly, but there are no compliments or any of the flirtatious banter we used to enjoy.

He swears he’s not having an affair, and he doesn’t know why he has changed. Perhaps you do? – GRACE IN PHOENIX

DEAR GRACE: Several possibilities come to mind. Your husband could be depressed, or his change in behavior could be related to hormone levels or medication. Perhaps, in addition to the therapist, his physician should be consulted. Please consider it.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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