DEAR ABBY: My husband recently got custody of his 16-year-old son, “Zack,” from his first marriage. We have been going to therapy with Zack for some things that happened to him while he was with his mother, and telling him that if he’s going to live with us he has to go by our rules.

Zack agreed to this, but since then has stolen from me and lied to my face about doing it – even after I found the things that he had taken in his room. Zack has also tried to hit me, but when I told my husband, he just said he didn’t know what to do. Zack’s social worker wants to send him to a treatment center in a nearby state to help him with the problems he’s having, but my husband doesn’t want him to go.

Abby, I gave my husband a choice: Either Zack goes to the center and gets treatment, or I leave forever, because I’m not going to be treated like this by a 16-year-old.

What should I do? If my husband refuses to send his son, should I leave? Or should I stay and take the chance of being hit the next time I catch Zack doing something? – BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

DEAR BETWEEN: Before you make that decision, please understand that your husband probably feels helpless and guilty about the way his son has turned out, and fears that sending his son away would somehow be letting him down.

Your husband needs to understand that sometimes being a responsible parent means doing something that is painful. In two short years, his son will be 18 and an adult. Adults who steal from others and strike out at them in a physical way usually wind up in prison. The time to get the boy the help he needs – intensive help – is NOW.

If you can’t get your husband to recognize these hard facts, then you may need the help of a marriage counselor or a clergyperson to do so. If he still refuses after that, then you should pack your bags – if not forever, until his son is out of the house and on his own. You have my deepest sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty-five years ago, I was dating a man I’ll call “Robert” and became pregnant with our son. Robert and I parted ways and lost touch after a while. I raised our son by myself, with the help of my parents. Later I married and had more children, and Robert married, too.

When our son was 23, he met his father for the first time. Robert and I have seen each other a few times over the years. We have remained friends.

Abby, Robert’s wife has died and I am now divorced. I would like to call him and talk to him and see if, maybe, we can become more than friends. I don’t know whether I should approach him or not. I have always refrained from bothering him.

I saw Robert recently, and he was nice to me. I don’t know how our son would react if we became more than friends. He is friendly toward his dad, but nothing more. Should I contact Robert or wait to see if he contacts me? – LONELY IN MISSOURI

DEAR LONELY: You must be very lonely to be fantasizing about getting serious with Robert. Where was he when you and your son needed his emotional and financial support? Contact him if you wish, but if he had romantic feelings for you, I am sure he would have contacted you already.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Copy the Story Link