1 p.m., Channel 8

I love basketball. I’m a big fan of women’s sports. But seriously, do you know anyone who actually follows this league religiously enough to know who’s playing in this game? Or care?

Lacrosse: MLL Championship

1 p.m., ESPN2

The much, much, much cooler alternative at this hour.

MLB: Red Sox at White Sox

2 p.m., NESN

Terry Francona might have been the worst manager ever to win a World Series. For a year. Thank you, Ozzie Guillen, for bailing Boston out of another historical conundrum.

PGA: The Barclays

2 p.m., Channel 13

Pretty sure this used to be the Westchester Classic. Now it sounds like the name of some snooty resort where your rich aunt spends her winter and writes her obnoxious Christmas letter.

Pool: Mosconi Cup

3 p.m., FSNE

What’s the deal? Doesn’t Minnesota Fats get an event named after him?

Indy Racing: Motorola 300

3:30 p.m., ESPN

Dario Franchitti’s weekly failure to kill himself has become a must-see.

Little League World Series Championship

3:30 p.m., Channel 8

This game jumped the shark when Chris Drury pitched a gem for the ages, then decided to become a hockey player, instead.

NFL Exhibition: Eagles at Steelers

8 p.m., Channel 6

Two teams that aren’t nearly as good as John Madden thinks they are.

Quick hits

How about a nice, soft pillow?

Citing David Beckham’s “exhaustion,” the Los Angeles Galaxy announced that its window dressing will not travel to Sunday’s MLS game in Colorado. No, I won’t let up on Beckham or the desperate league he kind of, sort of plays in when he feels like it. This signing was a sham, a fraud and a cry for help from an enterprise that will be out of business before Posh is old enough to need Botox. Got it?

That and 52 points won’t beat USC

Notre Dame quarterback heir apparent Jimmy Clausen “admitted” Friday that he underwent spring surgery to remove a bone spur from his throwing arm. As for head coach Charlie Weis, he doesn’t plan to announce the Fighting Irish’s starter for its Sept. 1 season-opener against Georgia Tech until game time. Cool. It only took two years for Our Lady to bum-rush the Yankees and reclaim its rightful place as the most self-righteous, self-important entity in sports.

Grand Padres

Greg Maddux has won 10 or more games in 20 consecutive seasons. The guy doesn’t throw much harder than Tim Wakefield and is inducing as many one-hop groundouts as ever. Unless the National League unexpectedly folds or adopts the designated hitter, he could get to 400 wins. Seriously.

See no evil

San Francisco presented Barry Bonds with a key to the city during a nauseating, touchy-feely ceremony Friday. How about a key to personal trainer Greg Anderson’s jail cell, while we’re at it?

You can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family

Dale Earnhardt Jr. begged NASCAR fans and reporters, in a very roundabout way, to stop characterizing stepmother Teresa Earnhardt as the embodiment of evil responsible for his move to Hendrick Motorsports without his ubiquitous No. 8. Guys, you know how your wife or girlfriend is allowed to rip her family a new one, but then hits you with a flying elbow in the ribs the millisecond you dare chime in? Same concept.

Wake me when Holyfield’s the camp again

Chris Byrd, Alexander Povetkin, Eddie Chambers and Calvin Brock will battle in a three-fight box-off for the right to challenge “linear” heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko. I think I speak for lifelong boxing fans everywhere when I zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I’m only $200,000 short, myself

Nobody made a sufficient bid in an eBay auction for David Ortiz’s 2005 Mercedes Benz. No kidding. At the risk of stereotyping, the average person who uses eBay on a daily basis is probably driving a Kia Sephia or a Ford Probe.

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