Never drop back faster than your guardian angels can block

Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna said that his return to Sunday’s game against the Minnesota Vikings was a “miracle.” Actually, Jon, the miracle is that God spared you despite your stupidity and didn’t allow you to get hit again and hurt worse.

Don’t Thome he’s in that class

Jim Thome belted his 500th career home run Sunday. Look, I’m not accusing Thome of anything. He’s played under the same rules as everyone else for the last 17 years. But at least give this one the sniff test and tell me, do you believe Jim Thome belongs in the same conversation with Willie McCovey, Mike Schmidt, Ted Williams, Jimmie Foxx and Harmon Killebrew?

Kick in the pants

Full disclosure: My wife is an Oakland Raiders fan. Saying the following will preserve the peace in my house for a week. But this waiting until a nanosecond before the snap to call time out in order to freeze a kicker in overtime is a load of crap that must stop. And no matter how many times Bill Belichick gets busted, Mike Shanahan of the Broncos will always strike me as the smarmiest coach in the NFL.

At least the boss knows how to pick his battles

Noting that referee Joey Crawford has been a high achiever in his counseling program, NBA Commissioner David Stern has reinstated the short-tempered official for the 2007-08 season. It makes sense. Given the Tim Donaghy details that came to light over the summer, being a battle axe who picks the occasional fight with 7-foot superstars is a minor character flaw.

Mailing it in

Golf’s fabricated FedEx Cup was obviously intended to make Tiger Woods play more than the 8-to-10 non-major PGA tournaments he previously undertook each year. After Woods’ eight-stroke win in the Tour Championship, all the change did was sweep away the few crumbs everyone else used to count on in those skeleton tournaments at season’s end. “It just makes it harder for the rest of us,” said Masters champion Zach Johnson. “Why give him another thing to try to achieve?” Great question.

Time bandits

Average time of a nine-inning Red Sox-Yankees game over the weekend: Just a smidge under four hours. Approximate average starting time of an American League Championship Series game on FOX: 8:38 p.m. And you wonder why your 10-year-old would rather break his neck on a skateboard than play Little League.

Make that one a 10-8 round

The best subtle slam in any Sunday post-game press conference came from Tom Brady, who while lavishing coach Bill Belichick with praise noted that he “doesn’t need to show movies” to motivate the Patriots. It was the funniest put-down yet of boxing enthusiast, Belichick wannabe, camcorder narc and Jets head coach Eric Mangini.