DEAR MR. DAD: I just found out I’m pregnant. My husband is not looking forward to being a dad. The pregnancy was unplanned and he doesn’t see any positive sides to the situation. How do I get him to be more involved in the pregnancy?

Answer: Changing from couple to parents isn’t an easy or natural transition for everyone. For some, getting comfortable with being a parent takes a long, long time.

Although it’s possible that your husband really isn’t interested in becoming a father, I think it’s more likely that he’s just nervous about impeding fatherhood and has no idea what’s really expected of him. After all, his life – like yours – is about to change drastically and forever. He probably needs time to accept the changes, adjust to them, and then refocus his life’s goals to fit with the new reality.

Even those who look forward with great anticipation to the arrival of a baby often have many fears and concerns about the new responsibilities. We may be asking ourselves: “How is the child going to change my life?” “Am I up to the task?” “How do I make sure I am a good parent?” “Can we afford this?”

Chances are your husband is asking some of the same questions. That’s why it’s very important that the two of you sit down and talk about any and all unresolved issues. Discuss your mutual concerns and try to find workable solutions. Breaking big worries into little ones, tackling each one separately, and coming up with concrete and tangible ways to handle difficulties ahead may alleviate some of his fears (and yours as well). You probably won’t have all the answers, but at least you’ll be strategizing, planning, and facing the challenges together. Open communication and common vision are the cornerstones of parenting.

How can you spark your husband’s interest in the impending fatherhood? Letting him know that you need his support and encouraging him to participate in baby-related activities is a good start. Ask him to go with you to your OB check-ups; get his advice about the nursery; discuss names; buy parenting books and magazines and read them together (my book, “The Expectant Father,” should be at the top of your list). If he doesn’t willingly participate, relate the details to him anyway, and keep him up to date on your and the baby’s progress.

If he still doesn’t seem ready to get involved, don’t despair. Some men just can’t relate to pregnancy and/or childbirth. But in most cases, those late bloomers turn out to be excellent fathers once they have a chance to hold their baby in their arms.