AUGUSTA – The most effective parents of high school athletes just might be the ones that are seen and not heard.

Being encouraging and supportive as parents may have more to do with their mere presence than their words. That was the message students and coaches stressed Friday at the annual Mentoring Women in Sports Conference at the Maine Principals’ Association Conference Center.

“It’s nice to see my Mom and Dad on the sidelines,” said Kayla Garcelon, a junior from Searsport. “My Dad had to get out of work early just to get to my soccer games. It shows you put your kids first. It means a lot.”

Garcelon was part of a five-athlete panel that included Edward Little’s Kayla Cummings and Kirsten Prue. Searsport’s Chanelle Gray and Lizz Sturm of Nokomis also served on the panel and answered questions regarding what are the ideal characteristics for a parent.

“After a game, you shouldn’t be like ‘Aw, you could’ve made that shot or you could have done some post moves better,'” said Cummings, a sophomore field hockey, basketball and softball player. “They should congratulate you if you win or say ‘It’s OK,’ if you lose.”

All five girls talked about the pressures they feel as student athletes. Much of that pressure comes from home. Gray talked about giving up a year of soccer to play golf, a favorite sport in her family. It’s a choice she still regrets a year later. Garcelon talked about her father and uncle being involved in soccer and that sometimes her love of the sport becomes disdain when it is more of a chore than fun.

When asked if they felt they had parents with ideal characteristics, only three of the five raised their hands.

“One of the characteristics of an ideal parent is one that wants you to do as well as you can but doesn’t put too much pressure on you so that you feel that you’ve let them down,” said Prue, a sophomore soccer, basketball and lacrosse player.

The girls said they wanted parents that are supportive, ones that are present and encouraging but not critical.

“They should give you a hug whether you win or lose,” said Gray. “They don’t care as long as they know you’re out there having fun.”

Prue said her grandfather, who lives out of state, will often drive great distances to catch her games. That show of support means more than any critique or analysis that a parent might offer. Cummings said parents should be equally dedicated to their children’s experience and share in it. She mentioned her parents taking time out to take her to tournaments on the weekend and using much of their spare time for her sake.

“That puts a smile on my face to know my parents are willing to sacrifice their weekend for me,” said Cummings.

Edward Little coach Craig Jipson also spoke on the topic of parents. Jipson, a basketball, football and baseball coach at EL, also has three young athletes. So he sees the parental-coach-athlete relationship from a variety of perspectives. He says coaches and parents must work together to help athletes get the most out of their experiences.

“I can either hinder my relationship with my child through this sports experience and I can hinder my relationship with the coach, which could adversely effect the player-coach relationship or I can make both those relationships better,” said Jipson. “(As a parent) I need to think, ‘How do I feel during the sports experience?'”

Often parents seek their own goals from their child’s athletic careers. They serve as negative rather than positive influences. Jipson listed red flags such as parents that live their dreams through their children, take credit for their kid’s success, coach from the stands, have their day ruined by their team’s loss, take notes at games to give to their child or criticize officials.

“There are some parents that are really ruining the experience of their child,” said Jipson.

Jipson stated that parents are out of bounds when they think that success in sports determines success in life, that success of a child proves a parent’s worth or if the success of a child determines personal worth.

“It’s pretty sad as an adult if we tie our self-esteem onto what our child is doing,” said Jipson.

Instead of coaching and critiquing, parents should be listening, encouraging and seeking positive ways to nurture their kid’s experience. The athletic experience allows kids to have fun but also learn and evolve as people. A negative environment created by short-sighted parents only hinder that goal.

“You have to get parents and coaches to work together for the good of their child,” said Jipson.

Jipson’s talk on creating the ideal parent for athletes was just one of the sessions coaches and athletes participated in Friday. Julie Treadwell, the Athletic Administrator at Maine Central Institute, spoke about building character. Rachel Bouchard, the former Hall-Dale and UMaine standout, discussed building long term life skills. The keynote speaker was Bowdoin’s Stefanie Pemper, who lectured about how to build team leadership and spirit.

In addition to talking about parents, the five-person panel discussed other topics such as how to encourage other students to get involved in sports, how a coach builds confidence and what athletes do to stay healthy.

With many programs battling low turnout in tryouts, the topic of recruiting newcomers was a relevent one. Cummings said she often talks with former teammates in the hallways at school to encourage them to return to a sport they played in middle school.

“We have to show how much of a positive impact sports has on us and show how much we’ve gained in one sports season, not just in skills but in how we’ve matured and how it’s changed our lives in just one season,” said Cummings.

Prue stressed the need to show other students how enjoyable being involved can be and entice them to get in on what they’re missing.

“You have to let kids know how special it is and how much fun we have doing it,” Prue said.

Confidence is another pertinent topic when it comes to female athletes. The girls said coaches often give them confidence by acknowledging what they’ve done well and stressing what their strengths are. Garcelon says her soccer team always sits in a circle after games and practices and discuss the positive things they’ve witnessed. A little encouragement can go a long way.

“Confidence for me is so hard,” said Garcelon. “I have to remind myself that I can do it, but there’s always part of me that says I can’t. My friends and my coach always tell me that ‘You’re a good player and if you try your hardest, that’s all that really matters.'”