Some of you may recall that my last column pertained to some of those old laws that remain on the books to control or protect animals.

You may also recall that I said my next column would be about the archaic laws still in existence to control or protect men and women. Some of these laws never should have existed at all and I can’t imagine why they were ever passed. Some, on the other hand, should probably still be enforced.

For example, in Miami, Fla., it is still illegal for men to be seen in public in any kind of strapless gown. It’s hard to imagine what circumstances existed to force the need of such a law, but I think it’s a good law to have. I’m not a prude and I really don’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors – closed being the key word here.

I did not find any laws in Charlotte, N.C., that were concerned with how men dressed, but women had to have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times. Think about that, 16 yards equals 48 square feet of material, mummies have less wrapping that than!

Oxford, Ohio, was a little more liberal with its women’s dress code requirements. As long as women were properly dressed it didn’t really matter what they wore. What did matter was that they didn’t take their clothing off in front of a man’s picture because that was – and still is – against the law.

Even thought all these laws are still in existence, I’m pretty sure that in most cases there are newer laws that override the old ones. That’s probably a real good thing in Iowa, where kisses could last no longer than 5 minutes. I realize 5 minutes is actually quite a long time for a couple to have their lips locked, but I don’t think it should be against the law if a couple has stamina.

In Wisconsin, you can kiss as long as you want to as long as it’s not on a train, because you could get arrested for that.

And speaking of kissing, men in Eureka, Nev., who wear a mustache are forbidden from kissing a woman. I suppose they can kiss each other or their pet pig, but they cannot kiss a woman.

In Jonesboro, Ga., you can kiss for as long as you want even if the male kisser is sporting a mustache. You just can’t say “Oh boy,” no matter how good the kiss is. I don’t know if you can say “Oh girl” or “Oh person.” Maybe the lawmakers in Jonesboro were just a bit ahead of their time on political correctness.

That is not the case in Wyoming, where it is illegal for a woman to stand within 5 feet of a bar while drinking.

In Memphis, Tenn., it’s illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists or pedestrians. How ridiculous.

In Michigan, a woman isn’t allowed to cut her hair without her husband’s permission. Don’t get any ideas, men – it was stupid when this law was passed and it’s still stupid.

And here’s a law that should be against the law. In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can’t be wider than 2 inches without the wife’s consent. Let us not forget that it was in Los Angeles, where O.J. went free.

There were some laws, however, passed long ago that were considered to be in the best interest of all women. In Idaho, state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than 50 pounds. Either dieting wasn’t much of an issue when this law came about or one of the lawmakers also owned a candy shop.

Men in Ottumwa, Iowa, can’t wink at a woman they are unacquainted with within the city limits. Out in the country, I guess anything goes. In Michigan, men cannot swear in front of women without fear of arrest, and in Mobile, Ala., it is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits. Again, things were a little looser in the country.

Huntington, W.Va., prohibits its firemen from whistling or flirting with any woman passing the firehouse. Men who are not in the fire department apparently can whistle and flirt to their hearts’ content.

There were a lot of other laws that I found regulating sexual behavior for men and women, but writing about them in a family publication is probably against the law.

One of the strangest laws I came across was from Liverpool, England, where it is illegal for a woman to be topless in public unless she is a clerk in a tropical fish store. In this country, I think nets are used to get the fish.

My next column will be the third in this series of the odd and often ridiculous still existing laws of long ago. And the way I see it, I have saved the best for last. I hope you enjoy them.