DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married eight years. Six months before we met, he had a one-night stand with his brother’s girlfriend – now his brother’s wife. His brother was present and involved, if you know what I mean. I am no saint by any means, but this is information I wish he had never told me because now I can’t stand the sight of either of them.

My husband has never cheated on me or asked me to have a threesome or anything like that. He worships the ground I walk on and is the perfect mate, very sensitive about my feelings. He has told me he wishes it had never happened, and he feels ashamed.

We live in a small town. I see his brother and his wife all the time and, of course, at all the family gatherings. I have to get over this somehow. I know it’s in the past and it was before me, but I get so upset every time I see either one of them that I just want to go off. Please help me. – NOT OVER IT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NOT OVER IT: No one can blame you for finding these people repulsive, and what happened so long ago was no one’s brightest moment – including your husband’s. However, because you must have regular contact with them, I do have a suggestion for you. Forgive them. If you do, it will cause less wear and tear on your soul than what you have been putting yourself through.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with jealousy. I lash out at my boyfriend over minor things, like not coming home within an hour or so of when he says he will, not giving me the passwords to his e-mail accounts, etc.

Is this a real problem I should get help for? He hasn’t given me any reason to think he would be unfaithful. I just have these uncontrollable urges. It’s tearing apart our relationship, and I don’t know how to overcome these feelings. Any help would be so appreciated. – GREEN-EYED MONSTER IN TEXAS

DEAR GREEN-EYED: Your problem isn’t jealousy, it is insecurity, and if it’s destroying your relationship, then you must figure out the reason for it. If you really need to check your boyfriend’s e-mail and have him account for every moment he is away from you, something is wrong with the romance and its days are numbered. Because he has given you no reason to think he has been unfaithful, you are right to start looking in the mirror for the source of the problem. Some sessions with a psychologist will help you get to the bottom of it. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is being married for the first time at the age of 69. His fiancee is 69, and it’s also her first marriage.

They have been dating each other since the early ’80s and maintained separate residences until seven years ago, when they moved in together. What kind of gift do I get them for their wedding? – PERPLEXED IN POMONA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Ask the happy couple where they are registered for wedding gifts. But don’t be surprised if they tell you that all they want are your blessings and good wishes, and that your presence at their nuptials is the only “present” for which they are asking.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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