Why are you considering leaving?


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By Susie and Otto Collins




No matter how long you’ve been in a relationship or marriage, if you are thinking about the possibility of leaving, you are probably wondering the best way to make what may be the most important decision you will ever make in your life. If you’re feeling like you don’t know what to do or how to begin making your decision, here are two powerful, thought-provoking questions that you need to deeply consider if you are in this situation. We invite you to take some time to reflect on these questions and write out your responses without censoring or judging them.

If your partner is willing and you feel like you can ask, invite him/her to answer these questions as well, and then compare your answers. If you are trying to make the decision of whether to stay in or leave the relationship by yourself, your answers to these questions will give you a lot of insight into what decision is best for you. Be honest with yourself and be very specific.

_ Why am I considering leaving this relationship?

When things get tough, most everyone has had the thought troll through their minds that maybe they might be better off without their partner. Although this question seems obvious, reflecting on it will shed light on how deep your pain is in this relationship. Seeing your reasons in black and white can help you get a better grasp on what you don’t want and what you do want in a relationship. You might even be able to see what the two of you can do to improve your marriage.

_ What is the real reason I am considering leaving this relationship?


There’s always a reason underneath what you say is the problem. This question is not to trivialize your answers to the first question but rather to ask you to delve deeper.

For example, if Susie had been asked this question about her previous marriage, she would have answered the first question with – “We no longer have the same interests, the passion has gone out of the marriage and we seem to be leading separate lives.” After going deeper, she would have said, “I realize I will never get the love that I want in this relationship.”

What is your real reason?


Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and life partners. Their formal training has been with Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks of the Hendricks Institute and Comprehensive Coaching U and with Dr. Belinda Gore.

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