Bennett rankles councilor
Well, will you look at that. The Lewiston City Council is the new Androscoggin County Commission, with all the slap-fight drama of a reality show. In fact, with the council meetings regularly aired on television, it’s worth tuning in. There’s always the possibility of screeching arguments, wild accusations and someone sobbing in a shower. Find out where you can watch at www.ci.lewiston.me.us.

Behind closed doors
“No comment,” Mayor Larry Gilbert said. “It was an executive session. That’s all. No comment.” That’s a 17-syllable no comment if you happen to be scoring at home, which I am.

Prisoners hungry for TV, radio
These inmates were apparently duped when they were suckered by the deceptive three-word name of the Super Maximum Prison. With a vague title like that, it was easy to believe it would be a place of Bacchanalian feasts, live entertainment and opportunities to meet new and exciting friends. Instead, it’s like a prison in there. So the inmates are on a hunger strike in an effort to stick it to the man, overlooking the fact that when it comes to overcoming vile conditions in the lockup, there’s only one real solution: tunnel to freedom through a Raquel Welch poster.

Coffee brandy is Maine’s top-selling liquor again
It’s been over a week and people are still coming up with old, new and increasingly vulgar terms for beloved Allen’s Coffee Brandy. I gathered a good collection of Allen’s appellations and found that a solid two-thirds of them cannot be printed in a family newspaper. I can’t even include the more innocuous of terms that describe Allen’s and milk, such as the “Buckfield martini,” because of the number of editors who live there and who would be glad to make my life miserable if I were to cast such aspersions upon their hometown.

Deer deterrent
Every day is Halloween on Montello Street in Lewiston. When I first saw the scare-deer dummy, I thought it was somebody protesting my new motorcycle, given that the dummy in question is lashed to a tree and wearing a helmet. Now when people say: “Hey, did you see that dummy with the motorcycle helmet on Montello?” I can be reasonably sure they’re not talking about me. Reasonably sure.

Moose fell out of sky
I’ve never even seen a dead bird fall out of the sky; this guy sees a moose. Stand by for overreactive media to report that this may be related to the next round of deadly fun: Moose mumps.

Zimmie’s
In a photo that accompanied a story about the store, Batman stares forlornly out onto the quiet Lewiston streets. He appears to be thinking: “Holy bat yawns, Robin. Doesn’t anything happen around here anymore?”
I’m with you, my pointy-eared friend. There ain’t guano happening out there.

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