Dating life: From single to soul mate
By Jeff Herring and Maritza Parra
McClatchy-Tribune
While there are some singles who date with absolutely no intention of finding a soul mate or getting married, it’s been our experience that most singles are dating because they are looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Add to that the theme in our culture in recent years about the importance o finding a soul-mate, and this sets up a potentially dangerous trap for singles.
Surprise! Marriage does not equal soul mates.
Unfortunately, in their rush to get married, many singles discover there are some marriages other than the soul mate marriage. Let’s take a closer look at four different types of marriages.
The Cell Mate Marriage: If you have ever been in or around one of these types of marriages, I bet you understand the term. The cell mate marriage involves battles to be right and a very large helping of misery. Each partner fully blames the other for the unhappiness. While they may have chosen “til death do us part” they each hope the other goes first, and soon. A pretty lousy place to be.
The Roommate Marriage: The roommate marriage is unfortunately all too common. These folks have simply decided to co-exist. Whether for the children, financial reasons, or just because it is plain easier, these folks have chosen to stick it out. Even that phrase “stick it out” does not sound so appealing does it? These marriages are ripe for boredom at best and affairs at worst.
The Life Mate Marriage: Life mate marriages can be a great place to be. While they may not have the passion of soul mates, life mate partners like each other and enjoy each other’s company. They are comfortable together and there is not usually much tension. While there may not be sparks and great attraction, there can be great affection and loyalty.
The Soul Mate Marriage: The rarest of the rare, this is what most singles dream of when we are little, and as big kids too. A marriage where both people find friendship, loyalty, love and passion all rolled into one package. You’ve probably also seen this kind of marriage too, where each partner finds uncommon joy in the other. But just because you are married does not mean you are in a soul mate situation. You have to choose your partner very carefully, and never rush just to get married or because it seemed like the right time. Even when you choose carefully and find a good match, a soul mate marriage still requires patience, understanding, negotiation and compromise. Basically work. We strive and hope for the soul mate marriage because it can be a bit of heaven without the inconvenience of dying.
Just a little heads up for singles out there thinking marriage is the be all and end all solution and answer to your problems. Marriage can be a great place to be when you have worked on becoming the right person first. And when you have carefully chosen the right person for you. Choose wisely.
And to help you have a little fun in the process, why not check out www.GreatDatesDoneCheap.com for creative and inexpensive ideas for “dating in the time of recession.”

Jeff Herring is a former marriage and family therapist and relationship coach who teaches entrepreneurs, information marketers and small business owners to write, market and monetize articles about their expertise for more prospects, publicity and profits.
Maritza Parra is a coach who has appeared on Oprah’s XM Radio Show “The Soul Series” and teaches entrepreneurs how to create products to duplicate themselves for years to come.
For more information you can visit www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.com


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