Martindale to allow riffraff
It’s no longer members-only out there on them green acres. Look for me out on the five hole with my beer helmet, my Ozzie Rules T-shirt, my ’80s-era boom box and, of course, my Daisy Dukes. Yeeehaw! We gonna have us a good time out at Martindale, yessir! Might even call up some of my kinfolk from the bayou to join me for some rounds of Milwuakee’s Best Rules golfin’. Laws, laws! We gonna tear it up good out there among the rich folk.
Settle down, golfing elite. I’m only fooling. I don’t golf at all and haven’t since the incident.

Things are looking Up
Every single person I know has gone to see the movie “Up.” I know couples who have reproduced extra children just so they’d have more chances to head to this movie event. It’s like some weird plot where Hollywood movie makers conspired to get the entire population walking around in freaky glasses with thick, black frames. Dude, Elvis Costello called. He wants his eye wear back. 

Firefighters in dispute over Balloon Fest fund raising
They use an open flame fueled by propane to super heat air with which to fill a gigantic balloon and send it aloft over power lines, skyscrapers and oil tanks. Yes, this seems like a marvelous time to pick a fight with our firefighters, doesn’t it?

In Buckfield, swarms of bees are competing with space used for baseball. There is much acrimony over this arrangement, but I think the key players are missing a great opportunity. In particular, a new sport that combines America’s pastime with Fear Factor-style competition. Want to stretch that single into a double? Go for it, slugger. But you’ll have to slide through a swarm of riled up drones to get there. Want to lay down a bunt to get the runner home from third? It’s allowed in this exciting game, but bear in mind that anyone who reaches third is required to be snatched naked and smeared in honey. This will really speed up the sport and maybe improve things for me personally. After all, what has happened to the Kansas City Royals over the past three weeks is what really stings.

The letter of the law
The alphabet soup of federal agents out on Lisbon Street Wednesday was very impressive. The FBI, HUD, OIG and a few others all mingling together like some human billboard under construction. At one point, I swear I saw a group of these G-people lined up so that the back of their coats spelled out “no comment” followed by “LOL, ROFL!” So we called the U.S. Attorney’s Office for comment and were given that group’s standard line. Specifically: M.Y.O.B. 

What do you think is the talk of the town? E-mail suggested topics for this column and comments for publication to mlaflamme@

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