The Way I See It By Sharon Bouchard

Archie’s getting married

Commitment can be a really tough issue. At the risk of sounding sexist, I think it’s a little easier for women to commit than for men. Partly, it’s the double standard under which women are raised as children. At least that’s my opinion.

Girls are always told about the great American dream of growing up, falling in love with a handsome, successful man, getting married, having 2.5 kids and living happily ever after in a nice house with a white picket fence.

Boys, on the other hand, are told to sow their wild oats and some of them seem to have one heck of a lot of wild oats to sow. I don’t think any parent every told their daughter to go out and sow her wild oats. My parents certainly never gave me that advice.

The longest period of wild oat sowing award has to go to Archie Andrews of Archie Comics fame. He has been playing the field for 68 years, but rumor has it that he is ready to settle down and commit to one woman.

When the news broke that the redhead was ready to take the plunge into holy matrimony, the question that clogged the Internet was — to whom? — Betty or Veronica?

A blogging frenzy took place on ArchieComics.com and the overwhelming consensus is that fans are rooting for the sweet, all-American girl, Betty Cooper. In fact, it’s quite amazing just how many of the bloggers don’t like the rich, snooty and beautiful Veronica Lodge.

I’m sorry to break it to you Betty lovers, but rumor also has it that Archie will pop the question to Veronica and she will accept. Sugar, oh honey, honey Veronica will be Archie’s candy girl and she’s got him wanting her forever more.

Archie has never been known for being very decisive, so until the nuptials take place I wouldn’t bet the farm that it will actually happen. And assuming that the wedding does happen, I do not predict smooth sailing for the lovebirds of comicland.

Though it has been many years since I’ve read an Archie comic, I do recall that Veronica was the demanding, spoiled-princess daughter of a rich man who hated Archie. I have doubts that Mr. Lodge will support the newlyweds. Also, since Archie has never really been gainfully employed, that would seriously affect Veronica’s shopping mania and preferred lifestyle. A disaster in the making if ever there was one.

And though Veronica probably can’t spell disaster, I’m sure that Betty can, and that should give her some comfort while mending her broken heart.

One question that pops into my mind is that in spite of the constant sparring for Archie’s affection, Betty does seem to be the only friend that Veronica has. Therefore, it seems only natural that Veronica will ask Betty to be her maid of honor, and that seems a bit cruel to me. And Betty, being the sweet girl that she is, will agree and then cry through the entire ceremony.

I don’t think there can be any question about the best man because certainly that would be an honor bestowed on Jughead. The only question on that front is whether Jug would ditch that stupid hat for the occasion. It just would not work with a tuxedo.

The bigger question in my mind is: Will this be the geriatric wedding of the century? After all, if Archie and friends were a bunch of 17-year-olds when the comic started in 1941, they would now be 85. That would put Mr. Lodge and certainly Mr. Weatherby well over the 100-year mark.

One can only imagine that wheelchairs, canes and a good supply of Depends will be necessary fixtures at this wedding. I don’t imagine that the reception will be too much of a wild affair, either, as long as no one spikes the Maalox.

Personally, I think Betty is much better off without Archie. She is a bright, kind and sweet girl and Archie is … well, he’s just Archie.

We won’t know the answer to any of these questions until the comic book, or funny book as we used to call them, hits the stands in September. I’m sure there will be many ensuing issues in which either Archie or Veronica, or both, will get cold feet in this comic-book style soap opera.

I doubt that I will bother to follow the saga, considering that it’s been over 40 years since I’ve read an Archie comic. But the way I see it, if they don’t take themselves too seriously, it could make for a very funny book.


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