Shopping Siren has a love-hate relationship with, of all places, Seattle.

Sure, its views are fabulous, all mountains and coast. Its food is fantastic. Its shopping opportunities (really, it always comes down to the shopping opportunities) range from the fish-tossing chic of Pike Place Market to the monorail cool of the Westlake Center.

But Seattle’s weather? Rainy, cloudy and dreary. A constant bad hair day with a side of seasonal affective disorder.

Maine, for the past six weeks, has been Seattle-ish.  

I’m sure the bad weather has been upsetting for everyone. Canceled picnics. Postponed pool parties. Passing the Fourth of July in a drizzly haze.    

But fear not! There’s still plenty of summer left. Now, with sun! (Or at least a forecast that’s calling for sun. Some sun. More sun than we got last month.) So throw on your sunglasses, toss a cooler in the car and head to the beach. 

What? In the midst of the June/July dreariness you threw away your sunglasses in despair and lost your beach cooler? OK then.

First, shopping.

Then, sun worshipping. 

• Mega chill floating cooler, Big Lots, $12

The packaging says this inflatable cooler will hold 24 cans of soda, plus ice. I’m sure it will. I am a little skeptical, however, that the cooler will hold 24 cans of soda and stay afloat. But hey, it’s worth a try. When you’ve been without sun for this long, who wants to lose precious minutes by leaving the pool to get a drink?

• Super Soaker XP-220 twin pack, Big Lots, $18

Looking to cool off this weekend … or maybe cool off someone else? These guns hold 11 ounces of water each and shoot up to 20 feet.  Space-blaster design meets water-cannon power. These aren’t your father’s water pistols. (Which is why you’ll easily be able to soak him at 20 paces.)

• Solar Accent sun glasses by Foster Grant, Big Lots, $8

I’m sure you didn’t throw your sunglasses out the car window in a fit of frustration the last time the radio weatherman forecast another week-long stretch of rain. But just in case you did, here are more! Men’s and women’s, thick frames and frameless, bright blue to classic brown. You can’t go wrong. Just keep your car windows rolled up.  

• Beach umbrella by Bond, Big Lots, $10 

Big umbrellas in blue, red and yellow. After weeks of waiting for the sun to come out, now you can marvel at it from the shade. 

• Skin Effect SPF 60 sunscreen, Marden’s, $3.89

The packaging says this protects against both UVA and UVB rays. A lot. SPF 60 seems like the protective equivalent of wearing jeans and a sweatshirt to the beach. Only, you know, less stifling. 

• Sport net, Marden’s, $24.99

We all worship the sun in our own ways. Lounging by the pool. Lounging on the beach. Running around with a small, sweaty horde in an attempt to score goals and rack up more points than the small, sweaty horde that is the other team. For those people, there’s the sport net. Perfect for practicing your baseball, football, soccer or lacrosse moves when you don’t want to go chasing after the ball. Or use the net as a goal in a pinch. Because summer sports are almost as much fun as lounging at the beach. Almost.

• Halter tops by Lilu, PacSun, $19.99-$22.99

For a store with “sun” in its name, PacSun had a distinct lack of appropriate sun-worshipping attire. Instead? Racks and racks of clothes for fall. To that I say (with much dismay and some gnashing of teeth), No!  I refuse to spend the last weeks of summer looking at jeans and sweatshirts, no matter how cute or how much on sale. Happily, PacSun did have a rack of halter tops. And adorable they were. Black and white checks, tiny flowers, colorful patterns — these soft halter tops will show off your sun-kissed shoulders in style.

Best find: Carmex lip moisturizer with sunscreen, Marden’s, 49 cents

Moisturizing is important. So is protecting sensitive skin from UV rays. So is saving money. Now you can have it all! This lip balm boasts SPF 15 protection for less than the cost of a single Twinkie. (Which may be a delicious snack food but is the opposite of helpful at the beach.) 

Think twice: Straw mat, Big Lots, $2.50

You know that big, soft beach towel you lie on at the beach? Good news! Now you can lie on a rough straw mat instead! Yeah. Doesn’t sound like fun to me, either. This loosely woven straw mat looks like wicker or bamboo and feels like … well, what I imagine lying mostly naked on wicker or bamboo would feel like. Not to mention the lovely stripes such a mat would leave across your skin. Thanks, anyway. I’d rather be in Seattle.

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who always wanted to ride on a monorail) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at [email protected].