Bag Lady and Shopping Siren are not prissy.

We would just like to say that up front.

Hey, Bag Lady mows her own lawn, has for years. Shopping Siren’s shoveled snow. We’ve both dealt with muddy dogs and dripping faucets and cars that refuse to go. We know how to saw a board to length without losing a hand.

And yet.

When friends/family/co-workers learned we were going to check out the new Tractor Supply Co. store on Lisbon Street in Lewiston — nay, that we wanted to check out the tractor store and had, actually, been looking forward to it for months — we got the strangest looks.

Sure, neither of us has a tractor and, thus, our supply needs would appear to be limited. (Or, you know, nonexistent.) But we heard TSC had more than tractors and tractor accessories. Like … well, we didn’t know what precisely.

That’s what makes shopping an adventure.

Within seconds of walking through those big glass doors, we found Anti-Monkey Butt. Oh, adventure on.

• Magnetic Pick-Up Pal, $16.49
A very powerful magnet on a long rod. “Lifts up to 65 pounds,” says the package. Bag Lady can see the cleaning-up-after-Mr. Bag Lady opportunities now.

• Fast Orange gritty hand cleaner, one gallon, $7.99
Orange, your citrus scent may be all the rage, but grapefruit, my dear, your time will come.

• Trolex schooling helmet (for horseback riding,) $29.99
TSC had a few solid aisles of horse and livestock supplies (bits, bridles, feed). But safety first! Always good to protect head and hair.

• Anti-Monkey Butt, 6 oz., $4.99
A talc to ward off chafing in one’s nether-regions. There’s not much more that we can add — except that the entire Bag-Siren clan is getting a bottle for Christmas. That monkey’s too good to pass up.

• Justin cowboy hats, $39.99
TSC seems to have cornered the market here. Cowboy hats at Kohl’s or Wal-Mart? We don’t think so! Maybe this sudden availability will start a trend. (Though we question whether the tiny “Justin” charm that hangs from the hat’s crown is too cool for school or just plain dorky.)

• Schmidt T-shirts, various sizes and colors, $7.99
Shopping Siren can never find a simple T-shirt when she needs one. Who knew the local tractor supply store could solve that problem? Plain, soft Ts in goes-with-everything white, brighten-your-day aqua and good-luck-matching-that salmon.

• Wheels, various prices
A wall of wheels! Rubber wheels, steel wheels, flat-proof wheels. All sizes, prices range from about $5 to somewhere below $40. Makes us want to build … something. Or replace the wheels on … something. Now to figure out what that something is.

• IH-3 Stanley Muffler, $34.99
Um. Yeah. We don’t know. But there it is.

• I (heart) John Deere glow-in-the-dark pink anklets, $4.99
Not feeling these in your sole? Try one of the other 16 styles of John Deere socks for men, women and tots. So now you’re like, “Wait! That can’t be right! That’s an awful lot of John Deere socks.” Yes; yes it is.

• Prairie covered wagon, $99.99
Slick, red Conestoga-style cover, wooden-rail sides, plush grip on the wagon handle. Hearken back to the time of “Little House on the Prairie ” … while towing the kids to Best Buy to pick up the latest Wii game.

Best find: Horse tire swing, $64.99
Tire swing shaped like a horse, complete with a blue rope mane (or red, white and blue braided rope mane, for those patriotic tykes). Be a cowboy, be a princess, be an Olympic jumper. It’s the swing for all.

Think twice: Husky 22-ton log splitter, $999

Granted, Bag Lady and Shopping Siren rarely need to split logs, but if we did we’d use an ax. Or hire a guy. An amazingly cute guy. Either way, we would not spend a thousand dollars on a complex machine that could sever an arm. Fine, in that way we might be a little prissy.

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who would love to chase a John Deere) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at [email protected] or [email protected].