If you own a radio or TV, you’ve heard the ads.

“Fleece vests, 10 bucks!”

“Chamois shirts, 10 bucks!”

“Levi’s jeans, five bucks!!!”

At which point the announcer keels over, hoarse from screaming and cataleptic from the shock of rock-bottom prices.

Well, one assumes.


Point is, Levinsky’s ads are hard to miss, what with all the frantic camera angles and shouting-hollering-shrieking. And jeans for $5. Don’t forget about the jeans for $5.

Shopping Siren dreams of jeans for $5.

So it was with a purse filled with $5 bills that I headed down to Levinsky’s on Route 302 in Windham to check out the deals. Hey, the whole Shopping Places We Normally Wouldn’t Go thing is working out.

Though I also brought along some earplugs. You know … just in case.

• Red Sox baseball caps, $5

Adjustable, one-size-fits-all hats in various colors mostly geared toward women. Sure, the Red Sox didn’t make the World Series this year, but is that any reason to shun a great deal on a stylish baseball cap? I think not. (Note: All other Red Sox and Patriots wear was 70 percent off. Score! Um. Or not. A T-shirt regularly $30? Bah. Seventy percent off prices it just about right.)


• Lands End fleece PJs for infants and toddlers, sizes 4-7, $12

There’s nothing more adorable than footy pajamas with white polar bears all over them. Unless it’s PJs with penguins. Or ones with puppies. Heck, why choose? For $12 each — 60 percent off their regular price — you can get all three. Adorable overload!

• Men’s Caterpillar work boots, $65 to $100

Rugged boots built for doing rugged stuff. Some are waterproof. Some have steel toes. All are 50 percent off their regular price. Grab a pair for the guy you love. Or the guy you love to watch work.

• National Outfitters flannel shirts, men’s, $5

Long sleeves, tons of colors, decent quality. All the flannel you could ever want, and more.


• Levi’s jeans, men’s and women’s, $5

Yes, Virginia, there are $5 jeans! However. While the men’s section offered a decent number of sizes, the women’s selection was severely limited on the day I went. Size 2, 10 or 18 and tall? You’re in luck! Everyone else, not so much. And if you think a pair of chic Levi’s will gain you entry into the fashionistas crowd, don’t get excited. The outer labels were cut from all the jeans. So. Yeah. Maybe not quite worth all the shouting.

• Women’s L.e.i. jeans, $10 and Gap jeans, $15

Sure, they’re not the $5 Levi’s that dreams are made of, but $10 and $15 jeans are still pretty good, and both Gap and L.e.i. offered a few more sizes to choose from than did Levi’s. I didn’t notice the outer labels on the L.e.i. jeans, but the Gap jeans still had theirs. So grab a pair and feel good that you didn’t buy into the advertising hype.

Best find: Kids’ jackets, various sizes, $16

Mostly girls’ winter jackets with a few boys’ thrown in. At 80 percent off $80! And they’re so cute your kids would actually wear them, avoid frostbite and save you thousands on doctor bills! Funny, I don’t remember the Levinsky’s announcer shouting about that.

Think twice: Buck Wear T-shirts, $17.99

Graphic T-shirts that feature gun-toting hunters and crass jokes about rednecks. They’re supposed to be funny, I think. They really aren’t. For $18 there are so many better things to get a guy at Levinsky’s — including three pairs of Levi’s.

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who growl at all shouting ads) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at [email protected]

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