BOISE, Idaho — It’s inspiring to hear the romantic tales of couples who have been together for decades.

But what about those in their 30s and 40s who have been married for 5, 10 or 15 years, making it through job changes, two careers, moving across the country, kids, the tough economy and more? We know it isn’t easy. But what makes it work? What keeps couples together well past the seven-year itch?

Faith, family, laughter ‘are our ingredients’
Jennifer and Trace Dandrea: married 12 years; two children.

“Trace and I are going on 13 years together, and he has kept me laughing every one of those years,” Jennifer says. “From the start of our marriage, we agreed that Trace would work and I’d be at home for the children; this works for us. I appreciate the fact that his career affords us the lifestyle we lead. And he appreciates the fact that there are always groceries, clean clothes and a parent volunteer in our kids’ classes. Trace and I believe our marriage is a covenant; one which cannot be broken, one we made to each other and to God.

“Thankfully we share interests. We’ve always shared the desire to stay fit; we run each year and just recently ran our first marathon together. A shared faith, making our family a priority, shared interests and lots of laughter these are our ingredients for our successful marriage.”

Reflect, travel and be open to change
Kara and Jason Blumberg: married 10 years; three children.

“Jason and I met at Issaquah Middle School (outside of Seattle) in eighth-grade algebra,” Kara says. “His family had moved to the Seattle area from Boise. He and I were both devastated when his family decided to relocate back to Idaho after ninth grade. We saw each other a few times in high school and college, but I always had a boyfriend and it just seemed unrealistic to try and make a long-term relationship happen.

In early 1997, I was in graduate school pursuing a counseling degree when the thought of being with Jason resurfaced. I went home that night and called him. I told him he needed to get on a plane and come see me.

“We were married in 1999 at the Boise Depot and although cliche as it may sound, it was the best day of my life. I was elated and still somewhat in disbelief that after all these years I was marrying Jason Blumberg, the kid from eighth-grade algebra who was my best friend in the world.

“Fast forward 10 years later and here we are – both with demanding careers, parents to three young boys, and busy with all of the responsibilities adulthood holds. I will admit it is hard to hold onto that initial ‘spark’ at times. There are days where we literally don’t have time to say one word to each other, let alone spend quality time as a couple. In spite of this, there are three things that I think help to make this partnership last: “The first is to take time to reflect. There are times when he or I will look at the other person and can see the 13-year-old they used to be. What a unique opportunity this is to be able to have memories from childhood with your spouse.

“The second thing that has helped us survive is traveling together. Some of our best times are spent when we can make the time to take a trip with just the two of us. No kids, no jobs, no chores. Just us.

“The third golden key is the one that is probably the most difficult: being willing to grow, learn and change. Married life takes you in directions that are not planned. Many times uncharted territory. Times are often filled with stress. Jason has taught me the value of being open to changing in order to accommodate the other.”

‘Ask yourself what makes you truly happy’
Erin and Greg Wicks: married 11 years; two children.

“Together as a couple, we have shared in the cyclical events of life with those around us – weddings, babies and now, unfortunately, divorce,” Erin says. “My husband and I have been through a lot of the same life-changing events – from children, a regional move, job transition, as well as financial burden. Year seven definitely was our ‘seven-year itch.’ “Why does it work for us? Put your relationship first, above all else. Commit to your spouse and work to the same goal.

“Communicate. It is not easy, but if you can find a way to discuss the issues positively and often this will help keep you on the same page. Laugh. Don’t take things so seriously; there is always a silver lining.

“Ask yourself what makes you truly happy. Everyone could use more money, but happiness to us is having our health, well-adjusted children, great friends and a supportive outer-family.”

It’s not permission, it’s about respect
Jeannette and Kirk Duwe: married 13 years; two children.

“Someone once thought it was crazy that Kirk felt he ‘had to’ check with me before committing to weekend plans with a pal,” Jeannette says. “What our unmarried friend didn’t understand was that his query wasn’t about gaining permission as much as it was about respecting my plans and time. I don’t remember a time I asked him to check with me, or vice versa, it’s just something we’ve always done. It’s considerate, it’s respectful, and it helps keep us on the same page. And, for the record, I don’t think either of us have ever responded to such a request with ‘no!”

It’s about love, respect, health and fitness
Colten and Erin Tippetts: married 12.5 years; three children.

“Trying to stay attractive for your spouse keeps marriage fresh and fun,” Colten says. “It’s not just about looking good; staying in shape and exercising regularly keeps you happier, healthier, and you just have more energy so you’re more fun to be with. It beats any antidepressant you could take.

“I just read an article yesterday that said: ‘Most partners will at some time think about divorce. The data show that most people who thought about getting divorced were happy they stayed married when surveyed five years later.’ It’s work, but everything worthwhile takes some work.” Erin’s take: “I think it’s all about love and respect. This idea didn’t come from me, it’s scattered throughout the Bible, and there are several books on this idea, but it’s what I’ve found works better than anything else. To put it simply, men need/want to feel respect, women need/want to feel love. If you shower your husband with respect, his automatic response is to shower you with love, and it continues into an upward cycle.

“A few fun things we do – we bet back rubs. Whether it’s a disagreement on an actor in a movie, or something we remember differently, we always respond, ‘I’ll bet you a half-hour back rub.’ ” Focus on the positive. There will always be things that drive you crazy about your spouse, but how much it bothers you depends on how much you focus on it. Realize there will always be something, and decide to not dwell on it.

‘I thank God he picked me’
Michele and Michael Bartlett: married eight years; three children.

“With two new babies in the house, I have learned to appreciate my husband, our marriage, and his love more than ever,” Michele says. “Every time I see him patiently soothe a crying baby, play aliens with our 4-year-old or wipe spit-up off his suit jacket, my heart swells and I thank God he picked me. His gift of patience and forgiveness has not only allowed our eight-year marriage and our 15-year relationship to weather the test of time, but to grow stronger year by year.”

‘Let yourself fall in love’ again and again
Nancy and Mark Cox: married 11 years; three children.

“Remember, he is that beautiful man you met,” Nancy says. “He is a person with his own ideas, dreams and needs. Watch him in a crowd, admire his qualities, and let yourself fall in love all over again.” She offers five touchstones:

“Laugh: With each other, at each other, at yourselves.

“Talk: Face to face, about daily life, about dreams.

“Play: His hobbies, her hobbies, yours together.

“Touch: In the kitchen, hello and goodbye, in private.

“Respect: Feelings, differences, your love.”

 ‘Never go to bed mad’

Michael and Stephanie Fornander: married nine years; two children.

“Stephanie and I had all the major conversations that I truly think helped in the success of our relationship,” Michael says. “From the, ‘Do you want children, how many, where is the best place to settle, what is your desire professionally?’ and all the other questions that will inevitably define your future with this individual.

“Between the two of us, I think the general rule is simply: ‘Never go to bed mad at one another.’ We maintain a very open line of communication. That seems to continually ground us in what is truly important in life. Our family, both immediate and extended, our friends and our health. All the other things will eventually work themselves out if you hold those three things close to your heart.”