The year that was

There were highs and lows, ups and downs, not to mention wet and dry. We had some fun times in 2009, didn’t we? No, seriously. Didn’t we? Surely there is something that stands out about the year beyond Tiger Woods and endless chatter about the public option? No? Well, there are a few days left and that means there is still hope. Otherwise, this is how our year ends, not with a bang but with a… I don’t know. A glug.

Show her that you care. The hard way.

One jewelry store has an interesting new ad campaign around the holidays. Buying diamonds for your honey might not be a great idea in this hard economic times. In fact, it might be downright irresponsible. But is there any better way to show her just how much you care? Than by bringing your family to the brink of financial ruin? “Be her hero she needs,” the ad suggests. She doesn’t want to eat in 2010, she just wants something from the Everlon Diamond Knot collection. After all, food only lasts until you go to the bathroom. A diamond last forever. Or until you pawn it for groceries.

The hub of Maine

It’s Auburn, you know. And if you don’t believe me (or if you don’t know what a hub is, exactly) just take a look at Mayor Dick Gleason’s spiffy new bumper stickers which state “Auburn: The Hub of Maine.” If it’s on a bumper sticker, my friends, it has to be true.

But some wet blankets are casting doubt on those claims. Is Auburn really the central part of a wheel into which spokes are inserted? (I looked it up so you don’t have to.) Does a mayor have the power to dub an entire city a hub and make it so? If another city had made the claim first, would they get to be the hub? Like calling shotgun before getting into a car?
Beats me. All I know is that this bumper sticker is way better than the last one the people of Auburn were displaying, the one that said: “Auburn: We’re not Lewiston!”

Jon and Kate

The unhappy breakup is over and divorce is official. When the dust clears (some of that dust may be composed of children) we will all sit back and wonder who got the best of the deal. I’m not one to make predictions, but I’m pretty sure I saw Jon outside “Dave’s Place” in Lewiston begging for spare change. I didn’t give him any.

Top ten interesting things people say when you ride a motorcycle on Christmas Eve

“Pretty cold for a bike, isn’t it?”

The other nine are variations of that with gerunds moved about and such.

Michael Jackson’s FBI file

The nation gaped in shock when the truth was revealed. Michael Jackson was once a man!

The hook

Anyone have their car towed after parking in the gray area between Margarita’s and Econo Lodge in Auburn? Drop me a line.

Happy opposite day!

Snow slams the lower east coast, dumping as much as 16 inches in D.C., Baltimore and other cities I’m pretty sure are down there. Meanwhile, Maine boasts a mere half foot before Christmas and is largely spared from the storm that pummelled those weenies in the mid-coast region. I don’t know what Al Gore did to the climate exactly, but I like it. See you in the summer! Scheduled to start Feb. 8.

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