LEWISTON — After their spouses died, Emile Frechette, 94, and Theresa Plourde, 73, started attending SeniorsPlus Area Agency on Aging lunches. They became friends.

“Being home by yourself all the time, looking at the four walls, you get tired of that,” he said over lunch the day before New Year’s Eve.

Frechette and Plourde eat out often, play checkers and Bingo. They figured that they had to leave their homes to avoid loneliness.

“This is where you can meet people, if you make the first move,” she said. “You’ve got to join.”

For too many seniors, the holidays are “risky business, a threatening time for their well-being,” said Len Kay, a professor of social work and director of the University of Maine Center on Aging.

While many have a wonderful time during the holidays visiting with friends, family and seeing grandchildren, others who are isolated and lonely feel even more so as others gather to socialize.

“The holidays can accent what’s lacking in their lives, the losses they’ve experienced,” Kay said. Holidays are when seniors think back to when they raised their children, their marriages were intact, their spouses were well and healthy and life was good, Kay said.

If seniors who’ve suffered losses don’t have new circles of friends, the holidays can pose risks of depression, even thoughts of suicide, Kay said. And when the elderly decide on suicide, “they’re more successful than other age groups.”

Most at risk are elderly, Maine men, Kay said. Research shows men have more difficulty establishing new relationships, while women are more likely to reach out, Kay said.

And Mainers are more likely to be independent with a “keep a stiff-upper-lip mentality,” Kay said. “That stoic mentality serves them well when they’re healthy and can fend for themselves,” but with age “that mentality can become their worst enemy.”

Seniors and those around them have a responsibility to take steps to prevent isolation, Kay said.

“Seniors need to stay active, stay engaged and involved in community, so when the holidays roll around they’re not without social networks,” Kay said.

Volunteering is another way to fight off isolation. “It can be extremely therapeutic,” Kay said.

John Stebbins, 74, of Auburn, is one of the volunteers at Lewiston’s SeniorPlus. He lost his wife years ago. “She’s up there,” Stebbins said looking up to heaven. “Life must go on,” he said. “I volunteer and help. I’m busy all the time.”

One call makes a difference

Family, friends and neighbors also have a responsibility to look in on the elderly, Kay said.

“We all should be mindful of folks who have less than we do, not only financially but socially,” Kay said. “Take time out to visit an older neighbor who you know is alone. Take time to call someone … When you know someone has taken the time to give you a call, it can make all the difference in the world, especially for someone who’s not likely not to speak with others for days at a time.”

Red flags of depression include apathy, disinterest in life, food, seeing people and physical appearance. Senior groups, including Area Agencies on Aging, is a good first stop for help, Kay said.

Betsy Sawyer-Manter, executive director of SeniorsPlus for Androscoggin, Oxford and Franklin counties, agreed, saying her agency’s weekly lunches “are more than a meal. It’s an opportunity to be with others and socialize.”

She most worries about the housebound in rural areas. “I went on a Meals on Wheels run, and for some seniors, the drivers were the other only human being they had contact with in a week. I could tell they so looked forward to the driver.”

That’s where neighbors can help, she said.

“As we go into the winter months where we have power outages, with snow coming on Friday, think about our neighbors who are older,” Sawyer-Manter said. “Call them. Pick up that newspaper and carry it to the door.” Many are afraid of falling on ice and are reluctant to venture out. “Shovel that walk. Knock on their door to ask if everything’s OK.”

To learn more about SeniorsPlus, Area Agency on Aging for the Androsoggin, Oxford and Franklin counties, go to www.seniorsplus.org

Or call 1-800-427-1241, or 795-4010.

Emile Frechette, 94, and Theresa Plourde, 73, both of Lewiston, enjoy conversation over lunch the day before New Year’s Eve at the Multi-Purpose Center in Lewiston. The holidays are a time when some seniors feel more isolated and depressed. Seniors need to reach out and network with others, while friends, neighbors and family need to check in on them, experts say.