Those painted figures look alike

To the good women of the Wal-Mart ladies room: I’m sorry I walked into your restroom Thursday night and interrupted your chat. I assure you it was an accident. Thank you for easing the tension by pointing and laughing maniacally at my unease.

The streak ends

The unfortunate mishap at Wal-Mart marked the first time I’ve accidentally entered a ladies room in four years. It last happened at a club in Las Vegas. Helpful traveling tip: In Las Vegas, nobody cares which restroom you use.

 The big blow

Another powerful storm hammers the Northeast. With nearly an inch of snow falling, it was all we could do to get our lawn mowers out of the garage. I reflected over the beauty of Maine winter as I drove my motorcycle through frozen mud. Saw an older lady using a soup ladle and feather duster to clear her driveway. Somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.

I’ll have your money by the end of the week

Sadie the Scottish terrier took it all at Westminster. I suspect steroids. And here I bet on Cujo, the flea-ridden and possibly rabid landfill dog.

Sarah Palin vs. Family Guy

A fair enough fight. Sarah and Peter are pretty much on equal footing, intellectually. I’d pay to see her and Lois wrestle in mud, though.

Flattery will get you state aid?

Or a knee to the groin. But a dude in Brunswick tried it anyway, referring to House Speaker Hannah Pingree as the most gorgeous member of the state Legislature. I don’t know if the fellow is out of line for saying this, but I know he’s flat-out wrong. Pingree isn’t the hottest there is; that’s Mike Carey.

Snoop Dogg coming to Lewiston

 And while he’s here, I’d like to challenge him to an izzle off. He’s going down. I mean, downizzle.

In the sewer beneath the library

Is some sort of clot causing all kinds of problems? Am I the only one concerned about cannibal clowns living down there and luring readers into the black bowels of the city? Anybody? No? Fine. Enjoy your periodical.

Toyota

 Where American automakers are concerned, a bailout is a massive financial recovery effort. For Toyota, it means jump out of the car, you’re about to slam into a Jiffy Lube.

I’d like to stop making jokes at Toyota’s expense, but I can’t.

Early out

Ambitious students in Maine will be able to graduate after their sophomore or junior years if they buckle down and put the work in. I applaud this measure. Few people know this, but I departed high school after my junior year. True, I was asked to leave. But I’m pretty sure that’s because I was so advanced, the school people felt they had nothing left to teach me. Their decision had nothing at all to do with the unfortunate firecracker incident.

Dog waste causes action

I have no comment on this headline. I just like it.

Copy the Story Link