Two words, before we go any further:

Shooting gallery.

In our very first trip to Cabela’s, we ogled the trout in the aquarium and marveled at the wider-than-anticipated spread of outdoor everything, but what truly grabbed us was the shooting gallery in the back, 20 shots for 50 cents.

The gist: Fire a tricked-out rifle at a light-sensitive target. Hit one mark just right and a fake cat yowls inside a sack; hit another and a skunk flicks its tail; another, and a crab skitters across the sand. In the interest of Bliss Thru Shopping harmony, we won’t share who out-shot whom.

OK, it was Bag Lady. By two shots.

BL: Take that!

SS: The, uh, sun got in my eyes!

We could have camped out and fed the thing quarters all day.

But no. We had shopping to do.

Cabela’s, right off the Scarborough exit, has a very Maine look: lacquered wood, forest greens and a giant moose statue, plus lots of parking and country Muzak. Departments are clearly marked and everything’s in a flat, single-story layout.

Shoes held the biggest surprise (we counted more than 150 pairs of men’s boots) and the Bargain Cave the biggest disappointment, with random, scattered products and prices something of a mystery. (Discounts were supposed to correspond to colored Cs written on the tag, though we spotted several red Cs that didn’t correspond to a discount at all.)

Time your own visit to a Saturday and you’ll get to watch the bass and trout in the aquarium being fed at noon! We have paint to watch dry this weekend, otherwise that sounds like a fabulous time.

Now, if you’ll excuse us as we root around our purses for more quarters …

Ugly Stik fishing rod and tackle kit, $29.99

With a name like that, the best passive-aggressive outdoor gift ever. Bag Lady’s thinking of picking one up for her sister-in-law, for, um, no reason.

Luggable Loo by Reliance, $12.99

It’s a black plastic toilet seat and cover with the warning: “bucket not included.” That’s fine. Buckets are for sissies.

Moultrie Game Spy infrared camera, $119.99

Camo-colored, motion-sensitive, with a 5.0 megapixel camera. Lash this to a tree and wait for a prize deer to trot by. Or Bigfoot. Either way.

Mace Pepper Gun, $59.99

The size of a small pistol, this baby shoots mace 25 feet. That’s serious self-protection. Mr. Questionable Intentions best steer clear.

Play & Freeze ice cream maker, $24.99

Put ingredients in these plastic balls, throw them around, get ice cream. Simple! Or so the package says. We have our doubts that making ice cream is that easy. Or fun. If it were, ice cream would flow freely through the streets. (Mmm.)  

Wood pop gun, $9.99

Strategically located just outside the shooting gallery, these old-fashioned toy rifles were a hit with youngsters. Also Shopping Siren.

Coleman ceiling fan with light, $29.99

Attach to the ceiling of your tent and get 24 hours of continuous fanning on one charge. Nothing in nature can do that! Oh, wait. A breeze.

Paws Aboard Doggy Boat Ladder, $139.77

A Bargain Cave find, regularly $199. The packaging was irresistible. A yellow ladder! For a dog! But we couldn’t tell if it was further on sale. (See C confusion above.)

Best find: Cabela’s shower shelter with 5-gallon water capacity, $129.99

For when “roughing it” includes washing your hair, standing fully upright and not having to pretend a 12-inch-wide public restroom shower curtain can cover a 20-inch-wide gap.

Think twice: Wild Wings nightlights ($19.99) and hang-up hooks ($29.99)

More curio-worthy sculpture than delicate nightlight, these large, ornate deer and elk had wide, pointy racks that looked like they’d lunge out of the dark and nail a naked calf. (Your naked calf. Not the farm animal.) Ditto for the oversized coat hooks, which would likely be placed at precious eyeball-level. Of course, it didn’t help that, when lit up, these animals seemed to glower, or that the Bait Shop nightlight reminded us of a scene from “Jaws.” Man, we’re so girlie sometimes.

* Prices as of 6/22

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who think a ball that makes ice cream is the best invention ever) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.

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