The right to remain hungry

Former Police Chief Bill Welch to open a restaurant in Lewiston. It should be a fine dining experience, unless you happen to be a reporter.

“Could you tell me about the day’s specials?”

“I’m sorry. We’re not releasing that information at this time.”

“Well, could I see a menu?”

“You’ll have to talk to the district attorney about that.”

“The hell with it. I’m just going to look around the kitchen and see what you’ve got.”

“Nothing to see here, son. Move along.”

Roll tape

A local man says he can prove, through deep acoustic study, that the infamous Mel Gibson recordings may have been doctored. Now if someone would just come forward and prove that those Penthouse Forum letters are not real.

Larry King in Auburn

Actually, the big man never came here. And it’s just as well because we don’t need that dude sniffing around our womenfolk.

Toddler dives out third floor window

That kid is going to be one hell of a hide-and-seek player.

This house guarded by flame-throwing monkeys

In Lewiston, thieves broke into an apartment on Elm Street and stole a Nintendo DS and a game. They were so happy with the product, they returned to the same apartment and stole a Nintendo Wii, four games and two controllers. Meanwhile, on Atwood Street, a Sony Playstation 2 was taken during a break-in and, on Bates Street, an Xbox 360 disappeared in a similar heist. The lesson: cash and jewelry are no longer valuable so you might as well just throw all that stuff away.

Laugh and the whole forest laughs with you

On the base of the Veterans Bridge, amid a rainbow snarl of graffiti, one word stands out in red block letters with exclamation point. The word: “Laugh!” It’s at once a commandment and a plea to the proletariat. It speaks of man’s rage before the science that eludes him. Bold, yet not offensively so.

I’ve gotta stop drinking under bridges.

Flush with pride

After a trio got caught with stolen loot in Sabattus, a local woman locked herself in a porta potty where she dumped the goods. Talk about a well-planned heist turning to crap. Maybe that’s where the term “dropping dime” comes from.

Regardless, it really stinks for the officer who had to retrieve the stolen merchandise.

mlaflamme@sunjournal.com

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