Conan is back

And funny? I laughed stuff out of my nose. Heck, he’s so funny, I laughed stuff out of someone else’s nose. It was fairly unpleasant.

The Lorax

Come on, now. Am I the only one who thinks of this Dr. Seuss classic when I hear the latest drama from Camp Gustin, where tree cutting continues in spite of the protests?

“And at that very moment, we heard a loud whack! From outside in the fields came a sickening smack

of an axe on a tree. Then we heard the tree fall. The very last Truffula Tree of them all!”

Now all we need to do is find someone to speak for the trees – someone who is shortish and oldish, brownish and mossy. It’s Sabattus. How hard can it be?

Pee on your cellphone

There’s a new application that allows you to pee on a special stick and then plug it into your cellphone. Send it off to a special address and and get an analysis determining whether or not you have an STD. That saves you the trouble of going way over to the free clinic and making up a fake name. And to make things easier, you can just post the results in a text message and send it to anyone who needs to know, if you get my drift. Isn’t technology great?

Welcome Steve Mistler

Our new political writer has settled in and I think I hate him. He’s a heck of a nice guy and writes a keen analysis of the political scene. That’s not why I hate him, though. I hate him because he has a much cooler column photo than I do. Check him out Monday morning up there at the top of the page in the fancy blazer and freshly ironed shirt. He looks all self-confident and roguish. Now look at my column photo. Kind of looks like my dog has just been run over but I’m too drunk to care. Mistler!

The Walking Dead

No, I didn’t see it, you prime-time louts. I was busy working or saving children from orphanage fires. I never get to see anything prime time. I hear good things, though. I’ll find a way to watch this one as soon as I’m done building that house for the homeless. Which reminds me, watch my new book trailer at marklaflamme.com/box_trailer or I’m out on the street.

Mark’s computer tip of the week

Which should be called Scott Taylor’s tip of the week because that’s where I get this stuff. And this week, it is this: If you want to simplify your life, go to evernote.com and get this archiving program. It’s the most useful thing since the “clear recent history” function, only for different reasons.

Hell and back

The signs are everywhere. Simple planks of wood with red letters and an arrow to show you the way. They’re nailed onto trees and poles in Litchfield, Sabattus, Topsham, Bowdoinham, Gardiner. The letters are mostly in red letters and there’s nothing fancy about them. Just that one word “HELL” and the arrow pointing toward the ground. Very helpful. And completely baffling.

Before I launch my full investigation, I’m putting it out there for you to consider. Send me your facts, your insights, your confessions. It’s good for the soul.

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