Every Christmas season, as I am wrapping presents, enjoying time with family, and reconnecting with friends, I am reminded of Christmas 25 years ago that forever changed my outlook on what it means to “give.”

That year, we were like many Maine families then and now; headed by a single mother of two young kids; barely affording necessities, let alone a tree, presents and the other trappings of Christmas.

Times were tight, to say the least. Yet, a few days before that Christmas, one of my mother’s friends appeared, unannounced, at our house bearing a tree, decorations and even a few gifts. We were surprised by and grateful for her generosity. What she also gave me, even if it went unspoken, was a lesson about the holidays and generosity. She probably had no idea her simple and selfless act would stick with me throughout my life and shape my opinion of what charity really means.

This woman’s act of kindness was real evidence for the age-old saying that   “charity starts at home.” It does start at home, but then extends to neighbors, friends, family and community.

Historically, this has been true in our society. Neighbors helped neighbors with construction.  Neighborhoods provided a warm meal for their town teacher. Communities gave clothes and support to a new family, often with the help of local churches to which they tithed.  Towns also helped the needy through the formation of town farms.

Traditionally,”‘giving” in America meant giving a helping hand, but not a hand out.  Making a personal charitable contribution to help those in your life who are truly in need has, traditionally, been the right thing to do.

There are two primary ways you can give. One  is to give directly to those in need, providing cash, goods or services. Historically, this is how most charity has been provided in Maine, America, and really, throughout the world.

A newer form of charity is giving indirectly, by donating to organizations commonly known as nonprofits whose intent is to disperse funds, goods and services based on a particular mission. My family gives indirectly to those in need by contributing to some charitable organizations. Folks’ criteria may be different in selecting where their money goes, but one thing is for certain— the individual gets to choose where —  and to a certain degree how —  their contribution is spent.

Another way nonprofits receive funding is through the government. Our cash-strapped governments, both federal and state, are taking an ever-increasing role in funding nonprofit organizations. With the people’s tax dollars, governments — not individuals — decide which organizations are most deserving of taxpayer funds.  Winners and losers are chosen based on government formulas and criteria, not the preferences of the individuals who are supplying the funds.

Because of government intervention,  one could argue that helping others in time of need is becoming a business. When nonprofits start emulating the organizational structure of corporations, employing lobbyists and trade organizations to advocate for legislation and weighing in on elections (and they do), where do we as people draw the line between for profit and not-for-profit groups?

Further, can we call it charity if our already-in-debt government forces us to pay for it? To me, that’s not true charity. That’s not my mother’s friend who, of her own volition, changed the outlook of a 9-year-old boy with her act of kindness. It’s just not the same helping hand when government extends it. Government has been outsourcing charity, and we know it; and probably worse, we have allowed it to happen.

I encourage us all to prove those in Washington and Augusta wrong; prove we don’t need to hand off charity to government and its  favorite charities;  prove families in Maine have the desire, ability and commitment to take care of our own.

Let’s grab the reins and voluntarily give more to those in need. Let’s welcome —  and fund directly —  local nonprofits, but hold them accountable for the money that is spent and never accept them as a total substitute for the support friends, families, churches and communities can provide. And let’s make sure charity is never a business. Our goal is to break the cycle of poverty, not perpetuate it. Let’s tell our government we don’t need to be forced to give; we know very well who in our communities needs our helping hands.

My family made it due to hard work, sacrifice and determination by my mother—and with the invaluable helping hands of a woman named Betty. Let’s now rejuvenate our heritage of providing assistance for the people in our lives who need it, so our families, our communities and our great state can again move forward for generations to come.