Yoink!

On Oak Street in Lewiston, a home was burglarized and a Wii and Playstation stolen. On Webster Street, a flat screen TV and a DVD were swiped. A laptop and a pair of speakers were stolen from a hall at Bates College, a DVD player and 40 discs disappeared from an apartment on Horton Street, prescription meds were taken from a car on High Street and a Nintendo was lifted from another. Yup. That’s a slice of Christmas shopping in Lewiston, where the only thing a credit card is too often used for is jimmying doors.

Place frownie face here

In Oxford County, a fellow was charged with texting and driving while drunk. I mean, why not just drop a cinder block onto the gas pedal and send your car off on its own. Chances of mayhem are pretty much the same. I think police should release the contents of these text messages so we can all see what kind of important things the driver had going on before he went down.

Putting the ‘pew’ in ‘dispute’

In Turner, two factions are fighting over the use of their church. Finally, a church that does away with commandments eight, nine, 10 and probably two. I’ve always felt that having 10 of those things was just too unwieldy. 

I feel pretty

If you’ve always wanted to see me in a vinyl suit, see next week’s B Section. If you’ve already seen me in a vinyl suit, call me. I never did thank you for that weekend.

Teamwork

I was pretty hard on bad drivers last week during our first winter storm. The really dimwitted pedestrians who did their part also deserve a shout-out. Walking in the roadway while cars are sliding out of control, darting into the streets without warning, glowering at oncoming cars as if daring them to hit you, that all played a big role, too. It just goes to show that if we all work together, we can probably make this one of the longest, most miserable winters in recent memory.

Cosmic chaos

I really thought the end was upon us when the full moon, winter solstice and lunar eclipse coincided on the same night. I guess I probably shouldn’t have maxed out my credit cards and put those photos up on the Internet, huh? It’s going to be an interesting new year.

Blanked

Now that everybody has a Facebook account, fewer people feel the need to send me photos of the snow in their yards. I find this to be an enormous relief. And yet somehow, a little bit sad.

Diamond rings and lots of things

Are you like me? Do you find that Overstock.com song impossible to get out of your head? Do you feel like bludgeoning me with a Yule log just for bringing it up? And how about that last guy, the one who sings “gifts for dad and mom” at the end of the commercial. Doesn’t he look like he’d rather be actively on fire than singing his line for the cameras? Furthermore, what the hell is “the big, big O?”

End rant.