It’s a new year, but that doesn’t mean we should leave behind some of the best lessons of 2010.

Over the course of the past year, I have explored everything from marital stress to mischievous children, and local and national experts have imparted some sage advice along the way.

So as we start 2011, let’s take a moment to remember some of the best advice of this past year. I’ve learned much — and plan to carry these suggestions with me into the future.

Parenting 101

Want happier children and teens? Consider adopting some of Christine Carter’s approaches to parenting: Rather than expecting perfection, expect children to make an effort and enjoy their activities, practice gratitude, and make time for family dinners.

Carter, a sociologist at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, said how parents talk to their children and praise them can have profound implications for how engaged children are in everyday activities.

Instead of saying “You’re a natural” when a child scores big at the ballgame, parents should praise the work and practice, too. Try “You did really well on that math test,” she said. “You must have tried really hard.”

“By shaping their perspective on it, it can change how they see themselves and how they approach their activities,” Carter said.

Foster gratitude by talking to children about how they are blessed. Help them make a list of what they are thankful for.

And make time for family dinners. It allows parents to model healthy eating for their kids and becomes a family ritual, which boosts kids’ happiness and well-being by showing them they are part of something larger than themselves (their family) and evoking joy and positive emotions.

Sometimes it’s simple skills that can help reduce stress for parent and child.

Dr. William Hughes, director of family services at the Sutter Center for Psychiatry in Sacramento, Calif., offered parents some tips on encouraging good behavior in children.

One way is to give rewards, or not give them, appropriately.

Don’t offer a child a reward as motivation to do something, and then if the child says no, make him or her do it anyway.

“It undermines the reward,” he said.

Instead, offer the reward if the task is completed, but be prepared to withhold it if the child doesn’t earn it.

Love and marriage

Terri Orbuch, lead researcher of the National Institutes of Health’s Early Years of Marriage Project, knows a thing or two about how couples can stay connected.

Orbuch has found that small things like wives complimenting their husbands, or writing one another love notes, can go a long way to fostering a good marriage.

Wondering if you need to start spending some quality time together? Try remembering what your spouse was wearing this morning.

Most can’t, she said.

“That means you really need to slow your life down and pay attention to the small, simple things,” she said.

Speaking of marriage, if an infidelity rocks yours or that of someone you know, here is some advice for talking to kids about the transgression.

If they don’t know, there is no need for them to know, said Sonia Rahel-Ahmadzai, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Rocklin, Calif.

“If the children are aware of it they saw it, overheard their parents arguing about it it’s important for parents to sit down and talk about the mistake that was made,” she said.

Another good approach is to start by asking the children what they know, what they think and how they feel about what they know, said Joy Berry, a Brooklyn child-development expert and children’s book author whose 250 books have sold more than 85 million copies.

“You have to understand their point of view on this, so you can correct any misperceptions,” she said.

Make sure young children and teens don’t think they did something wrong. With teens, help them realize that their job is to live their lives as intelligently and responsibly as they can and address what they can learn that will make them better people.

Mischief vs. bullying

Mischief and and bullying aren’t the same things, said Barbara Coloroso, parenting expert and bestselling author.

Mischief is when a child plays tic-tac-toe with a marker on a wall. Bullying, or mayhem, is writing another child’s name and a nasty message on the wall.

“There are some characteristics with bullying,” she said. “There’s an imbalance of power, intent to hurt. … Bullying has to do with intimidation.”

Whether it’s mischief or bullying, parents should not forgo discipline.

And by discipline, Coloroso doesn’t mean punishment. Punishment is something done to a child, while discipline is a process with your child.

“The child doesn’t need to be banned from going out and playing,” she said. “Give him ways to solve it. Help him learn from the mistake, own it and move on. Keep his dignity intact.”

Children aren’t the only ones who can be bullies. After witnessing a particularly horrible display of an adult verbally abusing a preschool-age child, I sought advice from experts on how to respond.

If you spot verbal abuse in a public setting like a store, notify security.

Or try gently asking the adult if he or she needs help. It’s a good way to get involved without seeming judgmental, said Janice Montgomery, supervising social worker at Sacramento Child Advocates Inc., a nonprofit legal group.

“Say, ‘You look like you’re really stressed out. Is there anything I can do to help?’ or ‘Is everything OK?’ ” she said.

Tips for healthier kids

We all want our children to live long lives. One of the ways to do that is to be proactive about their health.

Ask your pediatrician about your child’s body mass index, or BMI, and what it means. It can lead to a good chat about nutrition and activity, said Dr. Ulfat Shaikh, who works in the pediatric weight management clinic at UC Davis Children’s Hospital.

Remember the 5-2-1-0 rule: five or more servings of fruits and vegetables a day, two hours or less of screen time (computer and TV), one hour of physical activity and zero sugar-sweetened drinks.

Don’t forget to lead by example.

“If the parents themselves don’t model good behavior at the dining table and their own physical activity choices, it’ll be hard for children to understand that it’s important,” Shaikh said.

Want more expert advice?

Check out these titles by the experts.

“Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents” (Ballantine Books, $24, 256 pages) by Christine Carter, a sociologist at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.

“Raise Winning Kids Without a Fight: The Power of Personal Choice” (Johns Hopkins University Press, $15.95, 184 pages) by Dr. William Hughes, director of family services at the Sutter Center for Psychiatry in Sacramento. Hughes’ website, www.raisewinningkids.com, also has information and advice.

“5 Simple Steps To Take Your Marriage From Good to Great” (Random House, $26, 272 pages) by Terri Orbuch, relationship expert and lead researcher of the National Institutes of Health’s Early Years of Marriage Project.

“The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle” (Harper Paperbacks, $14.99, 272 pages) by Barbara Coloroso, parenting expert and best-selling author. More advice and tips at www.kidsareworthit.com.