Charlie Sheen

Is a heck of a guy and kind of a role model for some of us. But I refute the suggestion that I have a man crush on the dude. I like Charlie a lot, but only as a friend.

Don’t tell him I said that.

Be a hoot, don’t pollute

In Lewiston, a man suspected of shooting up a house with a handgun was nabbed primarily because he dropped a sales receipt at the scene of the crime. This is the second criminal case over the course of a year that’s been solved by a misplaced receipt. And that’s just the ones I’ve heard about. Good God, people. Get a billfold. I expect to see littering charges added to indictments in these kinds of cases. There are laws, you know.

Geek smackdown

Google has accused Bing of spying on Google. Bing has responded with a hi-tech form of “I know you are. But what am I?” And the nerd battle wages on. I say let them fight it out, cage rules in effect. Can you imagine the sound effects those two would make throwing fists at each other? Blam! Bing! Google! Kapow! Great fun.

Snowmagetouttahere

It was fun for a while. But if you’re still applying terms like Snowmageddon and Snowpocalypse to every two-inch dusting, you should be required to write out an apology 100 times, not on a chalkboard but in the snow, if you get my drift.

Groundhog Day

What does it mean if the creature comes out of its hole with its head in a gas oven? Because I think even rodents are sick of this crap.

A thousand words

I’ve got to start including photos in this stupid column. Some things just can’t be described with words. Like that guy, with the thing, doing that stuff. I’ll get on it right away. It’s not like I don’t know my way around a camera. I did some pretty impressive stuff when webcams first became available.

The fight club

So they got busted in Turner. You have to admit, the first rule of the fight club doesn’t say a thing about posting videos.

Cutting remarks

On Thursday, I was assigned to cover a public forum assembled to address the matter of regulatory reform. State politics. Not exactly my forte. I felt about as capable as a one-armed man with a folding knife.

Charlie Sheen II

Seriously, don’t tell him those things I said earlier, OK? You already did? Tell me what he said!


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