I don’t mean to harp on it

But what about that Charlie Sheen, huh? The man is a mega movie star living a rock-and-roll lifestyle. He’s got money to burn, a mansion in Malibu, and a world full of starlets that just fall at his feet. He’s got the yachts, the sports cars, the maids and the manservants. He’s got a big swimming pool, unlimited credit and pretty much the entire adult entertainment industry at his fingertips. Literally, some weekends. He’s handsome, popular and as well connected as anyone in Hollywood. Not to mention the tiger blood and Adonis DNA. All of that and I’ve spent most of the week feeling sorry for the dude. Feeling bad for poor old Charlie Sheen. There’s something empowering about feeling pity for someone who has so much. Maybe that’s why millions upon millions of perfectly ordinary people tune in each day to watch the latest train wreck in Charlie’s backyard. Word on Santa Monica Boulevard is that even Gary Busey is watching the Sheen meltdown and thinking: “Wow, that guy is messed up.”

Nyah! Nyah, see?

Several of you wrote to point out that the utterance above was not made by James Cagney, as suggested in my weekly column, but is attributed to the cartoon gangsta Mugsy, a frequent nemesis of Bugs Bunny. This is what happens when all you know, you learned from cartoons. I suppose next you’ll try to tell me that Albert Einstein wasn’t a tiny, yellow chick with huge glasses.

Pale green pants with nobody inside ’em

Everybody was saluting Dr. Seuss on his birthday Wednesday, myself included. The Seuss story “What was I Scared of?” completely shaped my life, transforming me into the lucid, well-adjusted gentleman you see before you today. Behold greatness.

“And there I was! Caught in the snide, and in that dreadful place, those spooky empty pants and I were standing face to face. I yelled for help. I screamed. I shrieked. I howled. I yowled. I cried. Oh save me from those pale green pants with nobody inside.”

From Facebook

Huge rumor going around locally that KFC will be closed because a New York rap star is organizing a boycott. I looked into it (Google) and could find no veracity at all. I’m starting to think that you can’t believe everything you hear on Facebook. Which is just . . . Well, really. It’s just absurd.

Justin Bieber’s hair

Sold for $40 grand. The word on Santa Monica Boulevard is that Charlie Sheen bought it. He’ll buy anything that comes in a Baggie.