Are the flies missing their lord?

Children are so precious. I saw one the other night, a cunning little girl of perhaps 2, standing on the side of Webster Street in Lewiston. As I passed on my motorcycle, she lifted up one of her tiny hands to greet me. How lovely. A little girl saying hello to a helmeted fellow passing through her world. I lifted my own hand to say hi back. And that’s when the sweet, little lass wound up and hurled a handful of rocks and sand at me. So cute. Pretty good arm, too. Her momma is probably very proud. It was hard to tell because she was nowhere in sight.

Maineiacs gone

Just more unhappy proof that Lewiston can’t have nice things. I joke about the yearly draining of the canal. But we’re coming up on an era when that really will be the most fun you can have in this depleted city.

Twist and shout

Tornadoes in the forecast. Carnival workers setting up the last of the rides at Great Falls Plaza. Is this a recipe for high times, or what? I envisioned sno-cones, cheap stuffed animals and dozens of hoochies spinning together in one mad swirl across the Twin Cities. But, no. It didn’t happen. Now all we have is that creepy old dude who can make you younger by running the merry-go-round backwards. (If you don’t get that, check out a book once in a while.)

The (your name here) Colisee

With the semi-pro hockey vacating Lewiston, what will become of the new and improved arena out there on the edge of the hood? No clue. But I have a suspicion that naming rights will be a hell of a lot easier to come by. Act fast and you can get your name slapped onto a giant sign above a mammoth building where nothing happens, ever.

Yes

You’re right. I am down on Lewiston lately. Tell me again what’s happening here?

Lewiston considers recreation path

What, are you nuts? This doesn’t in any way affect me. But somebody wants to slap down a nice, neat trail linking Riverside Cemetery and that terrible area behind Tall Pines? To me, it sounds like a horrible idea. And I don’t even have a stake in it.

Never mind that there are plenty of Lewiston streets and roads that could use the pavement this project would gobble up. Never mind that we can use the money — it’s gotta be in the millions! — on other things, such as feeding the poor, fixing our schools and building a defense system to help us win the inevitable battle against invading extraterrestrials. I mean, have they thought this thing through? You know what lurks in that jungle behind Tall Pines? Serpents, that’s what. Serpents and serial killers high on oven cleaner. Not to mention quicksand, E. coli, flesh-eating bacteria and deer ticks the size of your hand. You want to invite the unknowing public down there? Shame, plan organizers. Shame on you.

Let me remind you that this project in no way affects my life. It’s not like I ride my dirt bike down there every day. I just don’t want to see anybody killed or eaten.

Yes, again

I do see the hypocrisy in my above statements. You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been down behind Tall Pines again and I think I caught something. Seriously, steer clear.