So there’s this sport Bag Lady recently discovered, except she hesitates to call it a sport, what with the fluffy tails, the peanuts-as-bait, the hours spent up in a tree and the lack of Olympic recognition.

It’s squirrel fishing.

Let’s say right off that no squirrels are harmed, no hooks used, no damage done and no, I’m not making it up. Let’s secondly say that Bag Lady loves the little guys,* having hung a Field Guide to Undiscovered Squirrels calendar in her kitchen last year so she could ooh over their cuddly faces.

(* Subject to change if they ever move into my walls or bite me. Maybe, let’s call it conditional love.)

The aim of squirrel fishing, best I can tell, is to take a fishing pole, tie a peanut to the end of the line, climb into a tree, drop the line into the grass and wait. Squirrels with no patience for silly games and being toyed with, thank you, squirrel right on by. Others seize the nut, then — here’s where the “skill” comes in — the line is slowly reeled up. The squirrel goes wait, what? and bear hugs the nut. The first person to gently lift the squirrel off the ground wins.* The mystified squirrel is rewarded with a few nuts for his time.

(* Let’s be clear: You get nothing. Maybe let’s call “winning” conditional, too.)

Two Harvard University students made a study of it; their website got more than 2.2 million hits. No question, squirrels fare better in squirrel fishing (maybe embarrassed, but score a snack) than fish in fish fishing (eaten, at worst; pierced through the cheek, at best); however, here is not the space to wrestle over what ought and ought not be fished. Here is the space to shop.

So. Let’s get nuts.

* Lightly salted fresh roasted peanuts, 1 lb., Bob’s Peanuts & Candy, $2.50

When Bag Lady drove by Lincoln Street this week and saw the billboard of this small shop advertising its website, www.bobspeanuts.com, she thought, yum, and, yeah! We’ve tried to swing by before and found it closed. Online, everyone’s open. Also, its website lists among “our products” no fewer than 65 kinds of candy bars and a few hundred other gums and sweets. My thighs got bigger typing that.

* Shakespeare Ladyfish 4’6″ UL Spinning Combo, Dick’s Sporting Goods, $29.99

Bag Lady digs that this fishing pole is described by Dick’s as “ladylike.” Also, that it’s Shakespeare brand. No idea the bard liked to toss a line. Well, that sort of line. A printable coupon online for $10 when you spend $50 defrays the gas cost to Topsham.

* Petzl Tikkina 2 LED Headlamp, Dick’s, $19.95

Lime green, one single strap for around your melon, a burn time of up to 190 hours and lights up to 32 meters away. Because you wouldn’t want to look silly crouched up in that tree after dark without a light.

* Down-Easter Rod Holder, Down-East Sportscraft, $30 plus shipping

A family-run company that’s been making fishing rod holders in Lewiston since 1946. Who knew? For giving your rod hand a rest. The Down-Easter is “for fish species up to 25 pounds.” Which would presumably cover most squirrels. Most, but not all.

* Salty Rod Holder, DES, $38 plus shipping

For “fish species up to 85 pounds.” When that squirrel yanks the line, the tree shakes, then you throw down the entire pound of nuts and apologize.

Best find: White pistachios, 1 lb., Bob’s, $12.95

For snacking. I mean, presumably you don’t eat your bait. These white pistachios are described as “rare,” which makes sense, in that white tigers, white elephants and white buffaloes are also rare. And not to be fished.

Think twice: About inventing your own food-string-willing animal sport. Unless it’s a gator, a jump rope and a Hershey’s bar. At least snap a pic and send it along before you lose an arm.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who get chattered at with regularity but hardly bark back) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.

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