DEAR ABBY: I’m a 17-year-old female senior in high school. I was coerced into sex when I was 12 by a 19-year-old neighbor. He raped, molested and beat me repeatedly for two months. I come from a religious family. I was very sheltered and didn’t understand most of what was happening at the time. It wasn’t until I had Sex Ed that year that I fully understood.

Mom had always told me not to let anyone touch me because it was dirty and wrong. I felt guilty because I knew “something” was wrong. When I told my neighbor about the guilt, he taught me how to cut myself using a razor blade. I never told my family (or anyone else, for that matter) about what had happened to me, and I continued cutting until last year when my mom found out. I have been in and out of counseling since then.

I have horrible nightmares nearly every night. I relive memories of him beating me, molesting me and raping me. The nightmares are getting worse, and I’m falling asleep during the daytime. I don’t know how to make them stop. Abby, can you help me? — NIGHTMARES IN WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR NIGHTMARES: None of what happened was your fault. You were a child and that neighbor was an adult who took advantage of your youth and inexperience. The feelings you’re experiencing are not unusual for rape victims — fear, anger, shame, guilt, loss of power and isolation.

If you will make a police report, it will help you to regain a sense of control. It may also prevent other children from being victimized by this monster. If possible, ask to talk with a female police officer — although many police departments provide special training to all their officers so victims are treated in a sensitive and caring manner.

Being able to give voice to your feelings will go a long way toward making your nightmares go away. It will help you immensely if you’ll talk with a professional counselor at a rape treatment center or crisis center. For you, that would be the Wichita Area Sexual Assault Center. Its 24-hour toll-free number (for Kansas residents only) is (877) 927- 2248. The website is www.wichitasac.com. Please don’t wait. People there will help you if you’ll give them a chance.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away a few months ago and something has been bothering me ever since his funeral. Some of my co-workers attended the viewing and the service. I do not care for any of them and I believe they showed up because they were nosy about my personal business. I share none of it with them in the office.

Now my mother is very ill. I don’t know how I’ll handle it if these people show up at my mother’s eventual service. I think this is an invasion of my and my family’s privacy, and I get sick to my stomach at the thought of them coming.

Is there anything I can do or say to let them know they’re not welcome? One woman regularly attends funerals for people she doesn’t know. — PRIVATE PERSON, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR PRIVATE: Yes, there is something you can do. When the notice of your mother’s death is published in the newspaper, it should be stated that her funeral service will be private. The time and place should not be mentioned, and should be communicated verbally only to those you would like to attend.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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