Sniffing out good deals

To the nice lady who sent me an envelope crammed full of coupons: Thanks. That was very nice of you. I did notice, however, that all of the coupons are for deodorant and other personal hygiene products. Hint taken.

Eh?

Over the police scanner earlier this week came the report that an elderly woman was buying liquor for minors. How elderly was she? In her late-20s, according to the caller. How’s that make you feel, gramps?

Home slice

I have been informed that a young lady named Samantha, who works at the House of Pizza on Lincoln Street in Lewiston is, in fact, the coolest girl in all of the Twin Cities. Now you know.

Trash dumper

To the fellow in the green pickup who dumped a bunch of junk and then nearly mowed down a pair of kids along Holland Street in Lewiston, bravo. All of that Dukes of Hazzard crap and I got your license plate, anyway. Here’s another fine example of why it should be cheaper and easier to use the city dump. If I gathered up all the mattresses, stoves and washing machines I find while riding in the woods, I could open my own hotel. In fact, I might.

Purse snatchers at Range Pond

Sooner or later, these losers will slip their hands into the bag that holds dirty diapers and dog poo. And the sooner the better. The only things a person should have to worry about at the beach are sunburn, black flies and maintaining a neutral face while peeing in the water.

Redneck Olympics

I’m confused. All this flap over an event in Hebron? I thought the Redneck Olympics were held Memorial Day weekend in Speedway, Indiana.

You know you’re a redneck

If you feel compelled to fire off a nasty letter in response to the above item, but the only pencil in the house was used to clean a chicken.

Check under the hood?

It finally happened. They tore down the old Sunoco at Sabattus and East in Lewiston. How old was it? When that joint was last in operation, gas was 20 cents a gallon, men in white jumpsuits would clean your windshield and horns went “Ahh-OOO-ga!” Now that corner is empty. What will they build there? Across the street there’s a Rite-Aid to the left, CVS to the right. The choice is simple: Walgreens.

Another joke stolen from that Steve guy. Do I have any shame at all?