Thanksgiving brings thousands of college students home every year, many for the first time since the semester began. If your child is among them, be warm and welcoming but wary. Time marches on, and your college student might not be the person you remember.

Very few college students return home the graduates they left as. Most encounter a whole new world at college, and it changes them, sometimes in ways their parents don’t expect. Be prepared for your child to be different and do your best to accept them. You might not like the grungy jeans and t-shirts they’re wearing, but they do, and by the time you see them again, their taste in apparel might have changed for the better.

Along with change, be prepared for your college student to exhibit a streak of independence. Remember, they have been calling the shots since the day you drove away from their dorm. Relinquishing that sense of control, even if just for a little while, might not be so easy. Recognize their independence and give them some say in what goes on at home. Let them know what the family plans are and what events you expect them to attend, and give them the liberty to decide how they spend the rest of their time.

Understand you’re not the only one who has missed your college student. Friends and family members have missed them, too, and in their attempt to reconnect with everyone, you might not get as many moments with your child as you would like. Enjoy the ones you do get and make them worthwhile. Help your child reconnect by inviting everyone over for Thanksgiving dinner or dessert. This will also give you a chance to spend some time with them.

Your college student may have changed, but that doesn’t mean that everything else has to change, so continue the family traditions. If they always help you prepare the pies for Thanksgiving dinner or shop with you the day after, then by no means should the fun times stop, unless your child has other ideas. Keeping up the family traditions will make your college student feel more at home and keep their family ties strong.

The first time home, whether at Thanksgiving or some time before or after, can be tough for college students and their families. Try to ease the struggles by remembering what it was like to be in college and letting go. Don’t expect everything to be the same the moment your child walks into the door. Give them some time to adjust and do whatever you can to make them feel at home. Only then will you be able to carve out some quality time with the child you have sorely missed.

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