DEAR ABBY: My fiance, “Todd,” and I have been together for four years. He proposed this summer and our wedding is planned for next year. I thought planning our wedding would be fun, but it has turned out to be a nightmare.

I want orange as our primary color, but now Todd is saying he “hates” the color orange, although he never mentioned it before. I tried to get him to agree to pair it with a color of his choice, but he refused.

Todd is being unreasonable and will not agree with me on the color. Since it mainly affects the bridal party, I feel it should be my decision. He says it isn’t, and that he won’t even wear an orange tie or anything like it. What is your opinion? — STUCK ON THE COLOR IN GEORGIA

DEAR STUCK: This isn’t just “your” wedding; it’s Todd’s wedding, too. If he would find standing at the altar opposite a line of bridesmaids clad in orange to be a turnoff and dislikes the color so much that he refuses to wear a tie or boutonniere that’s orange — then agree on some other color. This is only one of the many compromises that lie ahead for you, so start practicing with this one.

DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, my brother and his wife asked me to move in with them. It’s beautiful here, they have a lovely home and have been extremely hospitable for the most part. The problem is they fight like cats and dogs. It gets so bad sometimes that the neighbors have to call the police.

Once a week without fail, they have a huge spat about one thing or another and argue at all hours of the day and night. They break things, curse and call each other names I wouldn’t call my worst enemy. If I had known they were this unhappy, I would never have moved in.

They’ve been together for so long, this may just be their way of communicating, but I can’t put up with the long days and sleepless nights. It’s beginning to wear on my sanity.

How do I tell them I appreciate them for letting me stay, but I can no longer take the constant fighting? — THANKS, BUT NO THANKS

DEAR T., B.N.T.: Thank them for their hospitality and for offering to share their lovely home with you, but that you will be moving to a place of your own. If they ask you why, tell them that you love them both, but the long days and sleepless nights when they argue are preventing you from getting the rest you need. It’s the truth, and it probably won’t be the first time they’ve heard it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged woman who is Baptist by faith. I believe that when I die I will go to heaven. My problem is, if going to heaven means being reunited with my parents and other family members, then I don’t want to go! The idea of spending eternity with them is more than I can stand, but I don’t want to go to hell, either. Any thoughts? — ETERNALLY CONFUSED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR ETERNALLY CONFUSED: Yes. When you reach the pearly gates, talk this over with St. Peter. Perhaps he would be willing to place you in a different wing than the one your parents and other family members are staying in. And in the meantime, discuss this with your minister.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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