DeCoster out of eggs
I don’t want to freak anybody out. But isn’t that one of the seven signs of the apocalypse? I think the great Nostradamus said it best in the quatrain that states: “The grand empire will be quickly reduced when the last cackleberry is squeezed from the last chicken in the empire of Turnertopia.”
Lewiston a top retirement city
That’s according to AARP, the foremost expert on old people, and I’m not one to disagree. Just look around. Every day, you will see hundreds and hundreds of people who came here to retire. In fact, they were so looking forward to it, a great many of them retired at age 20 and never worked again.
Casino frame assembled in Oxford
I haven’t been able to pin down rumors that builders included a giant thumb and a giant nose and aimed it at Lewiston.
Snow blow
Please remember to fill out your forms early this year to be eligible for the big prizes. The questions, as always, are thus: In what neighborhood will the first fistfight occur as grown men get to arguing over snowblower etiquette? Which of your friends will you have to block on Facebook because the dimwit insists on sending you repeated photos of the snow in his yard? Who will lose the first body part to a snowblower blade and what body part will it be? Extra points given if you can name the month during which the body part will be found and eaten by birds. And the bonus question: On what date will I crawl under my bed, assume the fetal position and begin six months of humming “California Dreaming” slightly off-key? Thank you for playing.
Plowed
At Victor News, a white-haired, pointy-bearded gentleman suggested — nay demanded — that I write about what a lousy job road crews did in Lewiston on the day of the snowstorm. Back in his day, plow guys took pride in their work, you know. And this fellow knows what he’s talking about. By my estimate, he’s been in the area longer than the Androscoggin River.
Hannaford in Turner
So, it’s going to happen after all. I think Nostradamus put it best when he said: “Holy crap! Turner’s getting a Hannaford!”
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