Westminster dog show

Oh, that’s what that was? Thank God. I thought the girls on this year’s Victoria’s Secret fashion show had really let themselves go.

The point after

Thanks to the many, many, many of you who made helpful comments about my man purse and/or worth as a human being after a B-Section story about men’s accessories. Thanks also to those who expressed interest in the purse now that I’m no longer using it. If you really want it, I can show you where I was standing when I punted the wretched thing into the canal.

The beast master speaks

Animal Control Officer Wendell Strout was among those concerned about my public image in the wake of that murse business. Strout’s comments: “We’re never going to get invited back to MonsterQuest if you keep behaving this way.”

Lost and found

At an Auburn steakhouse last weekend, servers discovered a handgun inside a purse that had left behind by a recent diner. Sadly, it wasn’t mine.

Bow chicka bow wow

Somewhere in the Twin Cities, police were called out to a report of a woman screaming in a courtyard. Murder? Mayhem? The return of Jack the Ripper? No. As it turns out, it was a bachelorette party in progress. It remains unknown whether the arriving cop was forced to do a little dance and wiggle out of his gun belt.

Naked on Facebook

I cannot, in good conscience, make fun of the school football coach who bared it all on Facebook. His only transgression was failing to note the difference between a private message and a public post. It happens to all of us at one time or another as we learn the various pitfalls of the interwebs. From what I understand, it was meant to be a private exchange between consenting adults. So what he’s a football coach? Coaches are just people. They take their pants off one leg at a time like the rest of us.

There’s no app for that

Somewhere in North Carolina, a fuming dad took his daughter’s laptop out into a field and, after an appropriate rant, shot the device with a .45. Made for great Facebook theater. Hate to see what ol’ Dad of the Year does the next time she brings home a boy he doesn’t like.

Reporter run over by car

I have nothing but concern for my colleague, Erin Cox, who was run over on her way to a Mexico selectmen’s meeting. Concern and awe. I’ve done some crazy stuff to get out of town meetings in my day. Faked amnesia. Got my head stuck between stairway railings. But this? This shows real initiative. Way to go, Cox. You’ve got a bright future in this business. Now, fork over the painkillers and get back to work.

Who Said It?

Circa winter, 2008: “I’m not going to be one of those dolts out there riding his motorcycle when there’s still snow on the ground. That’s just stupid.”

Guess correctly and I’ll come over and shoot your laptop.

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