Consent. Saying yes. Affirmatively agreeing. It seems like such a clear concept, and one that we use in our everyday lives. I consent to let someone borrow a book. I consent to go to a movie with a friend. I consent to share my dessert.

But when the issue of consent is applied to sexual activity, it is the dividing line between sex and sexual assault. So it bears taking a look at this simple, yet complicated, word.

In providing sexual assault awareness and prevention programs to local schools, the issue of consent is always addressed and often questioned. Young people need help understanding that consent is affirmative, and that it is only consent if it is freely and willingly given.

If a person is afraid to say “no,” then “yes” has no meaning. If a person fears that something harmful will happen if they say “no,” then consent is not possible. And if a person has reason to believe that their “no” will not be listened to or respected, then they are not consenting, they are complying. And without consent, what might otherwise be thought of as sex becomes a sexual assault.

People also struggle with the idea that consent, once given, can be withdrawn.

You might consent to have lunch with a friend but then change your mind and make different plans. You might consent to let someone borrow your car, but when you learn they have had several accidents, decide to withdraw your consent. Or you might give consent to a certain amount of sexual activity, but then withdraw consent to go any further or engage in a different kind of sexual activity.

That is your right — to both give and withdraw consent. And if the sexual activity continues despite the other person’s withdrawal of their consent, then what started out as consensual sexual activity becomes a sexual assault.

Then there is the issue of alcohol or drugs and how they impact the ability to give consent.

Clearly, if a person is passed out or totally “out of it” and unable to resist, then they cannot give consent.

It gets murkier, however, when both people are using substances and their judgment becomes impaired. Then the question becomes whether a person can consent, or if they are too impaired by the substances to make any decision. In addition, can one person who is under the influence reasonably and safely assess the other person’s ability to give consent?

Our best advice to people on this issue is “If in doubt, wait it out.”

If you or the person you are with are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and you are not absolutely sure that you have their consent, it is better to wait until you/that person have sobered up to engage in sexual activity.

Waiting will not harm you (despite the arguments made by some) and it is the only way to ensure that you are engaged in a free, consensual sexual activity and not committing a sexual assault.

Because of these complexities, it is imperative that we do a better job teaching our young people about the nature of consent. We need to teach them that consent is only possible when there is no pressure to say either yes or no.

We should teach them that consent is a fundamental component of sex, and that both partners have the right to give or deny consent .

We need to teach them to obtain consent through conversation, and then teach them how to have that conversation. We need to teach them to clearly say yes when it is something they want, and clearly say no when it is something they don’t want.

And we need to teach them that if at any point the other person denies consent, changes their mind or wants to stop, that person’s wishes must be respected.

By helping people understand the true nature of consent, and teaching them to respect one another’s right to consent, we will go a long way toward preventing sexual assault from occurring. And, if it prevents even one assault, it is worth the effort.

Marty McIntyre is the executive director of Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Services, serving Androscoggin, Oxford and Franklin counties.