Men can be an agent for positive change.

I am a male, working at SAVES, Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Services’ Franklin County office. People often ask how I ended up working in this field. The truth is I was tired of making lattes (former job) and a friend’s mother thought I’d be good at this work.

At that time, I had really not thought much about sexual assault — historically, it was a women’s issue fought by women, and men’s role in sexual assault was that of the offender. I had never experienced sexual assault in my own life, and I was certainly not an offender, so where would I fit in?

Two years later, I am doing the work and understanding that sexual assault is a human issue, and that men have an important role to play.

When I attend social gatherings (assuming people don’t bolt when I tell them I work in the field of sexual assault advocacy and prevention), people ask, “Why?” and, “Doesn’t that make women uncomfortable?”

I tell them proudly that I am an agent of change. When I stand in front of classrooms, professionals and courtrooms, I know that there may be initial suspicion that I am an offender, but I can help people understand that, instead, I am a helper.

Sometimes that help is provided directly to a male survivor of sexual assault. One in six men will be victims of sexual violence in their lifetimes, but they may not have a voice, or receive support, because society has told them that sexual assault doesn’t happen to them.

Male survivors may be reluctant to seek help because they are told that if they are assaulted by a woman, they should enjoy it because it is sex, after all, and if they are assaulted by a man, they must be gay. They may believe that crisis centers, such as the one I work in, are only for females.

I remember being on a help-line call with a middle-aged man who said he was nervous about talking about something that happened more than 30 years ago. He saw our help line and called a few times, but had not addressed the issue.

In his early teens, he had been abused by a female in his life and I was the first person he ever told, because he felt comfortable talking with another male. He had always thought his case was odd and that men weren’t assaulted. I was the first to tell him it does happen, that his case wasn’t unique, and that the support he needed was here when he was ready.

This work has also allowed me to be a positive male support for female victims. When a woman is assaulted by a man, it doesn’t mean she has an instant hatred for the opposite sex, but it often means that it is more difficult for her to trust that males will treat her well. Being a supportive male, someone who understands boundaries and needs, and someone who can give support, can be one of the best gifts a male can give a survivor of sexual violence.

From a personal stance, I have learned and given support to friends who have faced both sexual violence and intimate partner violence. I have been the first and sometimes only person who believed them or didn’t blame them. It is in this work that I have learned to be a better friend and family member.

At SAVES, there is another male staff person, and several wonderful male advocates. We are males involved in this work — males who care, males who want to help.

But what does this change? How can this make a difference?

During the past two years, I’ve found it changes a lot, and I’m forever proud of myself and males who work in this cause, take action and realize that anti-sexual violence work is much more than not being the offender, but about being the supporter, the voice, the change that needs to happen.

Why do I do this work? Why do I love this work? Because every day, I make a difference, and know that my work may encourage other men to get involved and to make the same difference one day.

Jeb Murphy is the community education and outreach coordinator at Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Services in Franklin County.