CIA/FBI/LOL

So, how are you enjoying that sex scandal? By all accounts, David “Happy Pants” Petraeus made the classic mistake of hooking up with an unstable, possessive shrew of a woman and the result was predictable. It happens, am I right guys? Guys? Anyway, it’s a good thing this happened in the nation’s capital instead of in the Kennebunk area. If that had been the case, we’d still be wondering what top government official was caught going deep under cover because the court up here would have opted to release just one letter per week of the culprit’s name, leaving us guessing and flinging innocent people under the bus into the new year. Could’ve made a fun drinking game, though.

Hint, hint

Release the entire Zumba list, court people. All the good Zumba jokes have been told a thousand times and it’s not fun anymore. This method of releasing the names incrementally reminds me of the old advent calendars where you peeled open a little door and got a new surprise every day until Christmas. Only . . . you know. The pornographic version.

Joe Cupo

Throughout this whole ordeal, I’ve had nothing but sympathy for TV weatherman Joe and his family, erroneously and unfairly caught up in that Andy Capp-style fracas. I admire the man for going before the cameras to set the record straight. I thought he did a terrific job. However, a petty, sophomoric part of me was really hoping he’d recycle Bill Clinton’s famous line “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” so we could revisit all those Monica Lewinsky jokes that so tickled our ribs in 19-whatever-year-that-was.

Things are not what they appear, maybe

On Wednesday, a caller reported that there was a man with a “machine gun looking thing” wandering around on College Street and possibly confronting crows. A small army of cop-looking people went to the area in their cruiser-like vehicles and searched for a suspect-looking kind of guy. No gunman-type villain was found. No crows, either, although one of the officers might have stepped in a crow-like substance while he searched.

Doggy drama

Did you catch that Russ Dillingham photo in Thursday’s paper of a dozen dogs running wild at Doggone Fun Doggy Daycare in Lewiston? There’s this one dog, way over to the far right (spatially, not politically) who appears to be impersonating Mel Gibson’s big scene in “Braveheart.” “You can take our tennis balls!” the black Lab seems to be emoting. “But you can never take away our Frisbees!”

Really, you’ve got to check this out. Go dig through last week’s trash until you find Thursday’s paper and then get back to me.

Hostess out of business

Well, there goes my Thanksgiving. No more Twinkies, Sno Balls, Ding Dongs or Donettes, a full one-half of my daily diet. The good news: You can still get Ho Hos in downtown Lewiston.